Jellybean for some reason has continued to wake up around 4:30-5:30, fall asleep for another hour at most, and be up for the day. It’s brutal. I think I functioned better when she was a newborn. Ha ha! I’m funny. No, really, I’m once again totally brain dead and exhausted all the time, plus there are a gazillion different viruses going around that my system is constantly fighting. Little Snotty doesn’t help by licking random things and shoving them in my mouth. I’m back to Cheerios for dinner (they should have some sort of marketing campaign, ‘The Single Mother’s Meal’), which isn’t the most balanced diet, but it’s neutral and quick and easy and Jenny is guaranteed to want to eat half of mine so she’s at least getting something in the evening. The early rising is either a case of 'I'm Starving Because I Positively Refuse to Eat Dinner But Want a Gallon of Milk Two Seconds Before Bed' (which results in a ravenously hungry and soaking wet baby), or 'Why You Got To Keep This Damn House So Cold, Beyotch?' (baby is either cold, or too hot because I've put her in 19 layers of jammies and onesies and put a dangerous space heater on 'Grill' in her room because I'm freaked out that she will be cold).
I am ridiculously excited for the holidays, but am conflicted because work is just so grody. My Engineering Product Manager AND his boss just quit because of the craziness that is the upcoming December release, and you can imagine how awesome that makes my life. Anyone going to own this train wreck? Bueller? I feel like Jenny has had an unfair share of grumpy mama the past few weeks, despite continuing to be the relatively good-natured and well-behaved toddler that she is. Thank god I work from home and don’t have to get myself presentable, or have to be on time to an office after dropping her off at daycare. It is remarkably painful trying to get out the door in the morning, and I’m so short-tempered that a sudden mysterious disappearance of a shoe is THE END OF THE WORLD. I am keeping my crap in check, but I’m doing a lot of ‘get a grip on yourself!’ conversations in my head and taking a lot of Tylenol. Everything is just hard when you’re tired, know what I mean? The Halloween party we went to was a lot of fun, but my ears were ringing and I was nauseous and dizzy from lack of sleep, so that made the whole trick-or-treating experience sort of anti-climactic. Jellybean was great, though, hauling her fat little butt up those stairs and stretching to ring the doorbells all by herself. She had a blast. But now that the candy is gone she keeps asking for 'treat?' hopefully after dinner, and sobs when none are forthcoming.
- I'm phoning it in with the meals lately. Or, still. It's just so darn irritating when I spend an hour preparing something and an hour cleaning up and all that happens is Jenny cries like I'm torturing her and stuff gets thrown out. She does seem to enjoy clementines, though, and I figure that's some good vitamin C, so it's not totally bad. I just think that if I ate better I'd feel better, have more energy, the world would magically become simpler, etc.
- Money spent on Christmas stuff. Yes, there are a batrillion other things I should be spending my money on. But - Christmas! Shiny! Happy!
- The dirtiest house in the world. I am trying to get bits and pieces done in the evenings, but that's also my only Jelly time, so then I feel guilt that I am ignoring her or that her mommy time is spent sitting on the floor by herself looking at books while I wash linens and swipe at toilets and ignore dusty window sills. Thank god my mum isn't all judge-y and won't criticize me if stuff doesn't get done, that would suck.
I don't know how much posting I'm going to get done in the next month or so, so please don't be upset and go away and never come back. I'm sure there will be PLENTY of stories after the holidays that will thrill and titilate. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll want to read the blog again and again. It will be just like 'Cats'.
Some Jellybean goodness coming your way;