Thursday, April 21, 2011

Hippity Hoppity

We're counting down - this time tomorrow we should (c'mon, Delta!) be in the 'Nati, on our way to a long weekend of cousins and too much to eat and staying up too late and belly laughs and some drinks with a high alcohol content. And lots and lots of 'choklit' for one little girl.

This one.
Who, an Easter not so very long ago, was this one.
Her Easter basket will be filled with utter ridiculousness. I bought one of those little baby Build-a-Bear creatures, a panda bear, RANDOMLY, with two little outfits. One of them is an Easter outfit. Yes, they saw me coming. But yesterday morning, when Jelly was getting dressed, wouldn't you know it, talking about Easter she said, NO LIE, 'The Easter Bunny will bring me treats and choklit and a panda!'. Toddlers are strange, strange creatures.

I also got one of those electronic eggs that calls out to the kid when you hide it. I played with it for a little while and found it pretty annoying, so we'll see how that goes over with The Bean. There are some soccer-ball plastic eggs, and a little egg that you put in water and it hatches into a little duck, which I REALLY wanted to play with, and some little baby chocolate chicks because DAMNIT 'Max and Ruby', if there wasn't a chocolate chicken in that basket there was going to be hell to pay come Easter morning. I figured I'd wait til I got to Cincinnati to get the actual basket and anything else, like an accordion or live pony (actually, I really need to get a replacement harmonica, but those are unsurprisingly hard to find). Oh, and I got one of those inflatable bunnies. They're hard to find! I bought two, an extra for next year just in case. That was my fondest memory of Easter. I hope it squeaks.

I feel silly, but it seems like parents go all out for Easter nowadays. I was totally taken aback by the Valentine's stuff this year; it's like we have to make every holiday Christmas. To be fair, my parents gave us toys for Easter, but that's because they were hippies so we didn't get chocolate or candy, so we got toys to make up for the lack of delicious sugar surprises. I would have much preferred a giant hollow chocolate bunny to a skipping rope or kite. Although I really did love that red satin baseball jacket, I would never have traded that for jellybeans or crappy Peeps.

Anyone else going crazy, or am I the only one?

**Note: I actually bought 3 Build-a-Bear outfits for the stupid panda. That I am going to have to dress.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I think they're calling it bipolar now

I received a blog award from the very sweet DannieA over at It’s You and Me Kid!, where she blogs about being a single mama to her adopted daughter whom she refers to as 'Tigger', which I think is freaking adorable. Like winning any blog award, there are rules you are suppose to follow, like graciously thanking the person who nominated you (thanks!), and then blah blah blah. Which I am not going to do, because OMG there are way too many things to do this week. Sorry. You already know more than 10 things about me, and there’s no way in hell I could come up with 15 recently discovered bloggers, because I only read the same people over and over, because who has time for those kinds of shenanigans? Hello, I have a toddler, I fall on my lumpy filthy couch with an equally dirty blanket half-covering me at 8:20 pm and lay there, comatose, paying attention to really neither my laptop nor the TV on Law & Order SVU until 10pm, at which time I crawl upstairs to my bed filled with mismatched slippers shaped like either dogs or Santas and die. Err, fall asleep. But I will still take the damn award, since I am obviously a versatile blogger; I can write lovely, happy posts, and I can write moody, self-pitying posts. Look at my range. Do you think Jelly will know her mother is manic depressive? Eh, I figure as long as there are more highs than lows, or at least more middles, things are still ok.

Monday, April 18, 2011

All the World's a Sunny Day

Having a penchant for carnival-style birthday parties means tightening my purse strings in other areas (no, really; when I close my eyes and picture Jellybean’s Third Birthday Party there are entertainers on stilts riding unicycles juggling flaming batons, and those people don’t come cheap). Since I obviously can’t cut back on beach trips or extravagances like toilet paper and deodorant, I was looking at doing Jenny’s 3-year pictures myself. Then my good friend Scattermom, who has taken many an awesome informal playdate pic of The Jelly, came up with a deal I couldn’t refuse; if we would be her guinea pigs, she would do our pics. See, she is doing a photography class here and there with some sort of ADHD-attention to it that I don’t understand but really want her to finish, because she has incredible talent and I think she could make a lot of money (even though that’s not suppose to be important, screw it, it’s always important, hello, it’s money). Anyhow, I gave her permission to use our pics however she wants; for her portfolio, for Facebook advertising, for French modeling, whatever; and she does all the work – for free.

AWESOME deal for me, how could I refuse? Also, she brought me breakfast. She's a really good friend, did I mention that?

So that’s how Jellybean and I ended up spending a totally great, relaxed, gorgeous morning yesterday at a beautiful park with a wonderful friend, playing and talking and having the occasional cup of imaginary tea. And getting some absolutely beautiful pictures of my soon-to-be three-year-old girl.

I think the local folks should comment about how they’d love her to do their pics and how she needs to finish the damn class and start her own business. Except for my usual photographer, who has a right to want to have some sort of Photographer Fight Club thing. Except that Shannon is extremely gracious and would probably instead offer to sell her old equipment for a great deal or something like that, or give her tips. Hmm, now that I think about it, Scattermom did say she would want to do this with a partner, so maybe an introduction is in order…

Look at this gorgeous, great big almost-three-year old girl. She IS a Rock Star.

How old are you going to be in May, Jenny? Ah, ok.
Two ladies, enjoying some tea. She has a paint-your-own china tea set coming her way for her birthday that I think she is going to enjoy VERY much.

She wanted to do some fishin'. Her grandfather (and great-grandfather, and several uncles) would be very proud.
Friday is Cincinnati – time to start packing! Just kidding, you know I’m already packed.
Hope everyone has a good week. Jelly is at Miss Nicole's while MsD is on vacation at a fabulous beach house. Spring Break here for many. I hope she does ok. It's a four-day week for me, so that is exciting.

Oh - and a tornado almost hit my house Saturday. Yes. It was kinda scary here Saturday in NC. I have to call the city and see about getting a new garbage can, so I'm one of the lucky ones. Something like 91 tornadoes in all touched down around the area, I think, setting a new record. Yeah, tell me again we're not doing anything to the environment. So apparently now we need more money in the budget to get more snow plows AND some air raid sirens in Raleigh.

And finally, some last bits of pretty for your week.

Look how lucky that lady there is. Don't worry, she knows it.

Also, I bought that outfit a year ago. I'm so compulsive. It's from Gymboree (online) if you love it as much as I do. Or, I have one that's gently worn for sale that I'll give you a deal on.

Friday, April 15, 2011

Rain, Rain, Go Away

Okey dokey, folks, where were we. Had some sleep, doing a little better. You can tell because I started this post with ‘okey dokey’ and not hysterical sobbing. Also, because I actually wrote something. Although, interestingly, you could tell things were starting to get bad because I started writing a lot and I got really funny. I get punchy when I’m tired, and I want to avoid real life. So while you were probably entertained, it was a bad sign. So if you’re enjoying my blog in the future – call for help.

So, yes, the awesome MsD took the kid for a night so I got two extra scoops of sleep which apparently was what I needed to catch me back up and make me feel more like a normal person and less like someone who eyed the vodka a little too lovingly. Work is still making me pop the Tums, but nothing I can do about that for the time being except keep treading water and gulping air when I can, so that’s the short-term plan and maybe when my parents are here and I have even MORE sleep, I can take some time to look at the whole thing a little more objectively and see if I can’t patch some holes and get things back on track a little better.

In the meantime, it’s almost Easter.

And you know what that means.

Since last year you got The Bunny Cake, this year I give you – Jellybean Mama’s Easter Cupcakes. Yes, it’s true, I do not like to do anything the easy way. I like to do things the cute way, or the funny way, or the irritating way. But never the quick or easy way. Especially not when it comes to making a splash in the preschool classroom. That class has the worst parent participation I’ve ever seen. But it makes it that much easier to show everyone up provide a nice special treat for the kiddies.

You start with your basic cupcake. This year I went with Cherry Chip. It felt Spring-y. And look how cute those little papers are! To be honest, I may have bought several different varieties. I have LOTS of baking supplies.

So then you tint some coconut. And then you tint your fingers. Then you tint your counters and floor, and your socks for weeks to come. A year from now, you’ll wonder why something has green on it for no good reason, but by then it will be St. Patrick's Day and time to dye something green anyhow so it won't really matter.

See where I’m going with this?

Ok, yes, it is kind of easy.

But then – what’s this? Hopping down the bunny trail?

I was kind of tired by the end, so got a little careless with snipping the marshmallows, so some of the ears were a little devil-horn looking. And the Twizzlers were dirty sticky bitches, so you may have noticed that some of the devil bunnies do not have whiskers. I appreciate that you kept silent about that. Regardless, the little preschool children were all very happy with them apparently, although I did not get to attend the party because my evil job meant I had to fill in on an important call for my boss who got called out of town.

So cute, she did not want to let go of her basket for an instant.
I'm saddened because tomorrow, the Day of 1000 Easter Egg Hunts, is also SEVERE WEATHER WARNING day. Hail, seriously? This time last year we were berry picking and going to the lake and doing all kinds of awesome much-warmer-weather things. I mean, I know I complain when the weather is too hot too soon, but some places are still getting snow. That is just silly. But I gotta tell you, it was nice to not sweat at the Ren Faire last weekend.

My fairy princess - with a sword. Mama is so proud. Hit mama on her arm guards, sweetie.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Next topic, please.

That was it, I swear. I will post about something different next. Like, something actually about the cute kid, or this @#$%! pollen, or the horrible job, or the fact that I'm suppose to be planning a 3rd birthday party but this year, I just can't find the energy or motivation to do it, and people that attended last year's extravaganza tease me about how it's going to be so big and awesome and I want to cry. Or that maybe the meds are causing a teensy bit of depression after all. Who knew?! So that's interesting. The good news is we're coming into summer, which is the Jellybean household busy season, so there will be lots of things to keep us ocupado, and I know a lot of the problem is I'm super behind on sleep. But my parents will be here next month, and my awesome caregiver has offered to keep Jelly for a sleepover when cousin J and I celebrate her birthday next month, so I just need to pull it together a bit and then beg my mum to help me clean the house before people show up. Or have it at the McDonald's up the street.

I have no words

thebreeziest jsmith8398LIOutdoorguy keysguy1 docondabeach4u Loneryder47

Monday, April 4, 2011

SW Kangaroo Seeks Same

There I was, feeling all sorry for myself. Not only did I get sent a Grab Bag where all the gum was stale, the toys were broken, and the jokes were unfunny, but when I did try eating the candy I broke a tooth. Then a wonderful thing happened.

Please see #4 of this post. Go on. I’ll wait. I didn’t go to the spa, have a good meal, or get good news. But The Ta did get an email with HER matches. Oh boy. Boy oh boy oh boy. Yes, I got matched with Dude with Dog, and George Costanza. But I didn’t get this. What was he thinking? ‘If I post a pic of me with my hot sister, maybe the ladies will think that this is my last girlfriend/ex-wife/victim, and they will look past the unforgiveable moustache and they’ll go out with me’. His handle I assume is suppose to be ‘Where’s Cupid’ but he misspelled it, so it’s ‘We’re’s Cupid’, which doesn’t has the same cute charm but kind of makes sense when you then look at his profile pic. He wants you to know you must love dogs and being in or around water and he misses a woman’s soft wet passionate kissing, but I may have mixed that up; he may miss being in or around water and kissing soft passionate dogs.

Peekaboo! God is watching you!

Now, this dude actually messaged me several times yesterday. It made me mad enough to post to my Atheist Moms group, because my profile clearly states I am not religious. I know that several of you are, and I respect that, even if it may seem at times I do not. The majority of my extended family is Catholic, and while my immediately family are non-believers, I think it’s important, like everything else in life, be it sexual orientation or people who drink Diet Coke or whatever, to be open minded. Except for damn hippies, I mean, even wolves let their children eat meat, c’mon. (*I’m joking, JR and I eat several vegetarian meals, and as long as you eat healthy protein substitutes I support your choice, don’t freak out and get your crystal-sweaty-pits all worked up). It’s just that I’m pretty firm in my non-belief, and if someone is firm in their belief-belief, then we’re just not going to see eye-to-eye. So don’t message me. It’s like if you don’t like kids. I finally added a separate line, in case they skipped past the ‘Religion’ and ‘Children’ section, that says, ‘If you love Jesus and hate children, please don’t contact me’. I figured that was simple and polite, and would save some people some time. But still, people like our friend DJ KJ-Spin here (does working in a karaoke bar count as being a DJ?), they don’t get it. Or maybe they think they’re going to convert me. I do love ‘Spirit in the Sky’, so I dunno, maybe there is some wiggle room there.

But the very best part. The pants-wetting part. Was this.

This, my friends, is a rare treat. This is an unemployed (SHOCKER) 43-year old who lists ‘Graduated from Space Camp’ under Education and was apparently an Alter boy. I guess that’s what they use to call Emo kids back in the day? I didn’t even realize kangaroos were so homophobic. And yes, this is his only picture. I’d go into more details, but nothing else is going to surprise you.

And THAT’S when I discovered I was accidentally logged into The Ta's profile. Somehow clicking on the photo link she’d sent me had given me full unlimited access. I rubbed my hands together and made a ‘mwah ha ha!’ noise, because that meant I could check out all kinds of freaky dudes and they would think it was her doing it. Also, I learned that she had a message in her inbox from someone who looked exactly like Paul Reubens, which made me a little jealous until I read his extremely creepy profile. I was tempted to start Winking all over the place at random transvestites and guys who had hand puppets featured prominently in their profile pictures, but doing things like that almost always tends to backfire on me. Plus, chances were I would accidentally fall in love with one of the creepy guys, and that was NOT a story I wanted to tell a lap full of grandchildren who looked suspiciously like Pee Wee Herman.

So I spent a little time looking up the creepy dudes who messaged her, but they were similar to the creepy dudes who messaged me, just older and more Christian but looking for women even younger and more blonde, so it just depressed me even more, and she doesn’t have her Chat feature disabled, so I started to get a little concerned because dudes were pinging her and getting kind of irritated the ‘she’ wasn’t answering them, and I didn’t want stalkers showing up at her doorstep all angry for no good reason, so I figured I’d better log out.

But the drama continues, because the Nice Jewish Boy (NJB now for short) has messaged me back. It turns out he had his daughter last week so was busy (totally believable and understandable, so I’ll give him a pass on that one). He said there is no religion issue (we’ll see on that one). Will continue to keep you posted. Also got a message from ‘Damien Eternal’. Everyone, let’s all groan together. UGHHHHHH. And, DELETE.

Happy Monday! It’s a gorgeous, sunny warm Monday here. I want to slit my writs from the slutty allergies that are making me and JR want to die. It was otherwise a very pleasant weekend. Hope everyone has a lovely, kangaroo-free week.

Friday, April 1, 2011


A quick update since this day is getting away from me and I wanted to round out my highly successful week of posting. I can't stop reading that last post, it cracks even me up. Seriously, look at those guys. Ahh, you gotta laugh.

The dude I messaged was scared off. He probably peed himself in fear and went and messaged some nice quiet girl and they went to dinner at Applebee's and drove off in their separate beige Camry's and had a very pleasant time.

However, our nice Bottom Left messaged me. He didn't enrage me with an offensive opening line like 'hay u r an extremely sexy lady' or 'coffee, tea, me turned over your knee, or all three?' (to that dude I wrote back, 'sadly, there is no fifth option, so I decline') and seemed reasonably literate and coherent, so I wrote him back. I was straight up and pointed out the whole no-church-y thing again, though, just in case he'd missed it. And I can tell by his logon time that he saw my message. But no response. Better now than later.

There's still Dude with Dog.

EDIT: OMG YES I hate it when fat guys are like, 'No fatties'. WTF?!!!! Are you all muscle mass over there or something? Do you think I got this gut from pounding beers, no, I HAD A BABY. So at least I have an excuse. Also, I went through a period when I ate cheese fries a lot when I was depressed. A LOT. BUT STILL. Sheesh.