Monday, April 27, 2009
Back in Boston. I can't really complain, since it's been so long (since December!). But that's partly why leaving again was so hard. I'd forgotten that pang, that physical tearing as my car pulls out of the driveway. Plus she's older and such a different person now. Now she's, well, a person. I feel like this trip she'll really notice I'm gone for the first time.
I know she's in good hands, loved and cared for and doted on.
I know she and I both need to learn to deal with this, and that I need to toughen up so I can put up a brave front so that she starts to understand that it's no big thing, mama will be home soon.
I know it's technically only three nights.
I know I'm very lucky, in this economy, to still have this great job.
I know I miss my baby. Kisses for Jellybean from far away tonight, my first and only. Mama loves you.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
And now it's back to work.
By 'work', I mean, 'eating stale Mike & Ike's' that I found while prepping my laptop bag for another tip to Boston. Yes, they taste oddly like tacos since they've been in there, open, since early December. But a chewy candy snack is still sugar, so don't judge. It was either that, or one of the chocolate caramels from the gift pack my sister sent when I had Jellybean. I'm a hoarder, what can I say? I was denied sweets as a child - this is what it does, people!
*Note: I do NOT feed Jennifer expired or questionable food. I am very conscious of checking labels and sniffing things. Just because yesterday I took a Xanax that The Ta gave me almost 6 years ago does not mean I will apply the same rules to my child. Although I did think that a Taco Bell Chicken Supreme Burrito was a suitable dinner for an 11-month old last night. Dudes, you should have seen her plow through that thing.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
It was interesting, because I thought Saturday’s event was going to be crazy-fun, and that Sunday’s was going to be so-so, and it ended up being the total opposite. Saturday’s event, if you have already forgotten because you have a life outside of my blog, was the Single Parents Meetup trip to the Museum of Science for the ‘Butterfly Bash’ bug event. I hadn’t been to that museum since I worked in daycare (like, 14 years ago) but had very fond memories of it being fun and exciting.
After an hour and a half of sweaty unhappiness we went and met Ta for lunch. Jelly was all crazy, I guess because she was so happy to see the Ta and be sitting in air conditioning eating pancakes. She kept hollering at waitresses (we really think she was saying, ‘Bring more food, beyotches!’), and the hostess was so enchanted with her that she gave her a little toy light-up rubber ducky. That kid knows how to work a crowd. I think one of the reasons Hispanic women fawn over her is because she’s got that dark curly hair and those immense jowls, and they just want to give her pinches and treats and chortle at her in Spanish. Hey, go right ahead.
The sad part of the story is that while Bean got some great naps on the hour-long drive back and forth to the craptastic museum, she had no desire to nap once we got home and it would’ve been possible for ME to nap. So I ended up going to bed at 7:30, which just pissed me off, because such a waste of a Saturday evening!
However, Sunday morning meant I had 11 hours sleep under my belt so I hit the ground running. Want to feel tired? Here’s what I did;
6:30 am – Shower and get dressed, put in load of laundry
7:00 am – Get baby up, give sippy, change, dress, fold and put away baby laundry
7:30 am – Drive to Farmer’s Market. Learn that Farmer’s Market does not open til 8 am
7:45 am – Go to grocery store. Without list. Panic and buy 4 kinds of cereal and not much else. Stand at meat case so Jelly can talk to the butchers.
8:15 am – Go to Farmer’s Market. Learn that vendors do not show up until later, despite being open at 8 am
8:30 am – Go to Bruegger’s to console self. Get Jenny a honey-wheat bagel with strawberry cream cheese. Get the best bagel sandwich of all for myself, the Herby Turkey. ON A SALT BAGEL. Am in heaven. Have iced Chai. Heaven is great. Jellybean talks to senior citizen church crowd. They are an adoring audience and willingly play peek-a-boo with her around the booths. She takes an hour to eat half a bagel. Learn that hotty cops hang out at Bruegger’s on Sunday mornings. Make reluctant Jellybean talk to hotty cops.
9:30 am – Back at home. Make a lasagna for The Nanny and her sister for this week. Empty dishwasher, load dishwasher, clean kitchen, change out laundry
10:30 am – Take nap with baby
11:45 am – Feed everyone lunch. Clean up.
12:30 pm – Work on banner for Jellybean’s party. Stop Jellybean from eating scissors, paper, photos, ribbon, scrapbook. Jellybean retaliates by unrolling entire roll of costly double-sided tape.
1:30 pm – Get self and baby dressed for event. Try to get baby to take nap
2:45 pm – Leave for event. Say bad words in front of baby when rain drops hit windshield
3:15 pm – Arrive at event, hoping for best
5:30 pm – Depart awesome event
6:30 pm – Jellybean goes down in a blaze of glory, finally crashing from her sugar and excitement high. Put grumpy, filthy baby in tub of lovely bubble bath, then into nice fresh jammies, then into cozy bed. Wish I was a baby.
7:30 – Clean kitchen one final time. Put away explosion of toys in living room, being careful not to trip any battery-powered toy land mines. Start dishwasher. Watch Criminal Intent.
9:30 – Put self to bed
The Zyrtec worked great, but I learned the other reason why she has been out-of-sorts and feverish. Wait for it – yep, TWO more teeth popped out. So she’s up to eight now. That’s our gal!
Friday, April 17, 2009
Keep your fingers crossed for us this weekend as we attempt those two outdoor activities. I really need to get out, and Bean should have some fun after the week she's suffered through. The Ta gets back tonight from her week in The State You Don't Mess With, and we'll be happy to see her and hang out with her. Do you think she brought us souvenir tacos?
Thursday, April 16, 2009
9:04 am - Having Pepsi for breakfast. If I had a pack of Certs, it would be college.
9:27 am - Work would almost be bearable if these people would quit emailing me and I didn't have to do any work.
10:11 am - Oops, forgot to tell Nanny the lawn guy was coming. She thought his kids were stealing the play climber from the back yard.
10:14 am - Really, super do not want to work today. Am reading blogs. Octo-Mom videos made me sad, seeing those little babies ignored while she panders to the cameras. And what about all the constant lights and camera flashes? She doesn't even cradle them when she feeds them. And as if she trademarked 'Octo-mom'?!
10:16 am - Will Perry EVER leave?
See? Lame, boring, TMI, and void of anything that is going to make the world a better place. I'm sure there are people who tweet very interesting things, or important bits of info, but I don't think I would. I think 9 out of 10 tweets would be '80's song lyric snippets, and who needs that?
Jellybean is still allergy-stricken, and now has a terrible cough along with the random fevers and nasty congestion. I looked online and it said end-of-month for the pollen to calm down, so we've still got a few more weeks. I think we're going to try to go to the Science Museum 'Butterfly Bash' this weekend, my meetup group has an event. I'll have to minimize the time outdoors though. And Sunday is the Triangle Mommies Birthday Bash, which is suppose to be just awesome, but of course is outside. Blergh.
Monday, April 13, 2009
Cooking dinner was ridiculously tough. I stepped into the kitchen at about 8 am yesterday morning and wasn't finished until after 6 pm. Here's the problem; when you're a single mum, especially if you have a baby who doesn't feel well (only you don't know how sick she is or you would have totally cancelled the whole thing), you are constantly starting/stopping the whole venture. 8 am was breakfast, and then I started peeling potatoes. Stopped to change a diaper. Stopped to get some juice and toys for sad baby. Got scalloped potatoes into fridge, pouring only 1/2 of contents into fridge crisper bins. Sat and rocked baby so she'd get a good nap. Moved onto sweet potatoes. Made cake after disagreement with oven. Changed more diapers. Made lunch for baby but forgot to make lunch for me. Got ham into oven. Changed diapers. Held congested baby upright for next nap. Made hugely annoying cooked frosting for cake. Spread frosting mostly on floor while trying to beat in double boiler and hold sad baby. Ate piece of cold delicious ham. Fed baby. Ate. Started to clean up. Sat with sick baby and watched some TV (Mary Poppins! She thought the penguins were hilarious) while chugging Motrin and a Pepsi. Cleaned more.
It was a very tasty meal (hurrah for ham!), and The Bean was ALL about the big midday meal. She was totally like, 'This is BRILLIANT! Why don't we do this EVERY day?!' The glazed sweet potatoes were of course a big hit, and interestingly she hated the asparagus (there isn't a lot she spits out while glaring at me). Fine by me, I freaking love asparagus. You might think I'm insane for making all this food for the two of us, but Nanny's sister is visiting for a while and coming here each day, so I figured lots of leftovers wouldn't hurt. Also, I was super-smart and made up two 'plates' for myself and stuck 'em in the freezer for nights when I give Jellybean baby-TV-dinners.
Her fever last night scared me. She was really, really hot, and the Tylenol didn't help right away. I know the answer is never, 'Bring the baby to bed with you', but she kept waking up anyhow and just wanted to be held by mama. It's the 'avoiding the if-onlys' that gets me. In situations like last night, I think, 'What if she's really, REALLY sick, not just allergies, and I put her back to bed, and she gets worse or something horrible happens, all because I selfishly wanted sleep? And then all I'll be able to think is, 'if only I'd done blank-blank-blank''. So hot little baby crawled into the small of my back from midnight-ish to about 2:30, at which point I gave up and threw her back into her room. The Nanny's son went through the same thing a few days last week, and Jellybean is still eating and in good spirits, so I know she's ok. It's just so much responsibility and critical decision-making for one tired inept person. More and more these past few weeks I've wondered how I could've been so ill-prepared for all this, and how people do it so much better.
When she was a newborn, people said it would get easier. It's such a lie. Each new phase brings new challenges and stresses and things that exhaust. I wish I could give Nanny a bonus just because I can't believe she can let two kids self-feed, two meals, and clean up them, the table, the high chairs, and the floor, EVERY SINGLE DAY. I go out of my mind just on the weekends, with one. I fed Jelly lunch on the floor yesterday, because I figured that would at least save me from having to clean the table and high chair for one meal. And this soon-to-be-walking thing - so much making-sure-gates-are-closed and things are out of reach. Naps are shorter. I have to start picking my battles as she exerts her independence more. She's SO DAMN HEAVY TO CARRY. And yet, she really is hilarious. She totally has a sense of humor. And she does not like to be left out of anything. She's doing this new 'tripod' crawl, where she gets up on her tippy-toes and hands. She's come up with her own sign for 'more'. She sometimes sings to herself in the car. I still can't believe she's here, and a part of my life, and I'm still excited to see her every single morning.
Finally, a video of a cute Bean and her mother bugging her.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
The allergies continued to beat me with an achey/sinus headache/nausea stick, and then they turned on poor Jellybean. I’d forgotten the misery that is a finger-sucker who can’t breathe through her nose – toss/turn, toss/turn, repeat from 3 am – 6 am when mama finally realizes sleep is not in her cards and drags herself out of bed, so tired and dizzy that she dresses baby on the floor instead of the changing table. It finally all caught up with Nanny also, as she has to nurse her son back to sleep every time he wakes up. Yesterday we both totally crashed – she went home, I called in sick despite all my deadlines. YES! I thought, After a week of trying to nap during my lunch breaks, I can lay down with The Bean!
From 2pm until 4pm we wrestled and wept and scratched and kicked, but she absolutely refused to sleep. I tried her crib, my bed, the roof (just kidding, I wouldn’t expose us to that much pollen). So much Motrin-taking going on here lately. Caffeine, Motrin, Baby Motrin, repeat.
Finally, a coworker told me to try Zyrtec, hearing that Chlor-Trimeton (my old stand-by) and Claritin were totally useless this year. I managed to shower and drag us to the dirty Food Lion, where I apparently bought that and $50 worth of frosted baked goods, and took one last night, in case it put me straight into a coma (fingers were crossed). Hallelujah, today I am upright and functional! It was so nice to not wince when I first woke up, and be able to speak coherently. It’s so frustrating to not be able to have the windows open, or take JJ outside. I just tell myself that at least I can see the pretty sun and green grass, and it’s not snow and cold. For those who are keeping track, my insurance company is still pushing back on refilling my migraine prescription. Thanks, Cigna!
To add injury to insult, I’ve recently developed Roid Rage. Not Steroid Rage, no siree. The kind of Roid Rage where you need to use, uh, special preparation. I can’t believe I made it through my pregnancy and first year of motherhood and get one NOW. And it’s HUGE, you can probably see it from there, and I apologize for his rudeness. I have named him Perry, for an in-joke with The Ta and New Jen. Much like a toddler living in a chateau in Normandy he is clingy, needy, unwelcome, and a pain in the ass. Or so I would imagine. If I were living in a chateau in Normandy, I would want a big glass of wine and a good view of the peacocks and maybe some tacos, and that's about it. So many places for a toddler to hit his head in a chateau! I'd go freaking nuts!
In an unlikely-transition-to-an-unrelated-topic, I made some delicious pork tenderloin medallions the other night. I was overcome with guilt, having given Jellybean toddler TV dinners for 17 meals in a row due to my allergy breakdown, and finally pulled myself together long enough to make an embarrassing clash of menu choices. The pork was kinda Italian, sliced up and pan-seared and topped with a honey-balsamic glaze (simple, delicious, and yes, the honey was cooked). Side items included steamed collard greens (Southern), potato latkes (Jewish), and, uh, apple sauce (Mott’s). The Bean apparently really does love every member of the pancake family with equal enthusiasm, because the potatoes received applause. That’s also how I knew the instant oatmeal I gave her yesterday had too much sugar. Girl does love her food.
Now I’m just trying to Red Bull-et to the weekend, when I can think of fun things to do that aren’t play outside or go to the Farmer’s Market or any fun festivals or fairs. Like, say, take everything out of the kitchen cabinet that is preparing to launch itself from my wall. Won’t that be a fun surprise the night before Jellybean’s birthday party? I’m hoping it hangs on til Grandpa can magically fix it. I will be totally unable to deal if it falls. I’m starting to look forward to my next business trip, aka ‘Getting Away from My Quite Literally Falling Apart Personal Life to Throw Myself Into Work’.
Friends, dude. I’m just really super grateful for friends right now. And Zyrtec. If this post largely makes no sense (even more so than usual), please blame the new drug. Or Perry.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
To try to cheer myself up, since American Express screwed me over and I ended up having to pull $1700 from nowhere and am now forced to eat leftovers scrounged from Jelly's highchair, and nothing makes me happier when I'm broke than spending money I don't have, unless it's a run-on sentence, I decided to buy us a plane ticket to Cincinnati. Yay, Cincinnati! The Bean and I are gonna make that mistake again! It's been long enough to forget that trauma of the last trip, and my parents and my sister and my niece and nephew and brother and brother-in-law will be there, so it should be a fun, stressful, sleepless time. With too much food. In actuality I am just going so I can see my nephew, Fat Nate. He needs pinches from his Aunt Sparkles. And Beaner was just mentioning the other day how she was missing her Aunt N.
Yes, more of that, please.
Jennifer J, the Social Jellyfly, has been quite busy. She attended her first Renaissance Faire like the good little nerd she is, and had some delicious Goodberry's, and is going to have another party with The Ta this weekend while mama goes out and gets her drunk on, Mexican-house-party style. We also FINALLY got the patio furniture put together with the help and coaxing of Aunt J. Thanks, Wal-Mart, it looks like furniture twice its cost! I cannot wait to have people over, and get the cushions and umbrella out and have some drinkys.
Yes, bow before me, that's how things should be.
Jellybean is also very close to walking. It's going to totally freak me out when she does it.