Thursday, February 17, 2011

Things Are Getting Hairy

If you are a purveyor of both this blog and My Little Slice of Mommie Heaven, you are probably ready to stab two people right now, and are sick to death of hearing about Myrtle Beach. Sorry. BEACH TRIP IN ONE DAY! If you read only my blog, well, you're probably still pretty tired of hearing about it. But you should probably start reading hers, also, because we are apparently going to tag-team vlog about the trip (vlog, who knew that term existed?).

During my shower the other night (so many discoveries in the shower of a non-body-parts-type, I know, right?! this is what happens when I'm trying to focus on something other than my kid hollering because the soap is too sticky, or the water is too cold/too hot (at the same time), or the toys aren't being nice to each other) I also realized that it had been a very long time since any, uh, business travel. That is not a euphemism. At least, not right now. It will be later on. So no business travel. Which equates to very grody feet, for some reason. I guess because when I travel, nasty scaly heels and troll-like toenails are bad for delicate trouser socks and uncomfortable shoes. Also, something about business travel just screams mani/pedi excuse.

So, after a truly horrible day yesterday, during which people yelled at me and I cried a little bit, and people said horrible things, and my boss told me several times to breathe deeply and drink and calm down and do my job better and other awful things, I did what any sensible work-from-home person would do and today scheduled a faux appointment in my calendar, printed a hard copy of the software release notes I absolutely positively had to review, and toddled myself off to get a pedicure. Ohhh... so nice. So very, very needed. I actually squealed when Fan, who I'm now a #1 err, supporter of, finished his work. The girl in the chair next to me talking on her cell the entire time was clearly not impressed in the slightest, with her monstrous dark-skinned toes twice as long as mine and her simple clear acrylic finish. I am embarrassed to admit that I said out loud, wiggling my little pink toes in delight as the only Caucasian girl in attendance at the salon, "Oh, they look just like little jellybeans!". Well, they do, so please try to refrain from nibbling on them should you happen to encounter me on the street or the beach.

So yes, no business travel of that kind, and no business travel of THAT kind means there is significant yard work that needs taken care of as well. I don't have that kind of time. MommieV messaged me about cleaning out her car, but that I could do in 1/2 hour or so - I don't have enough razor blades in the house to do the other clean up that I need to do. C'mon, people, it's February. I'm single. It's times like this I like to think of what my sister said to me last summer, at the lake up in Canada. I had a 2-year old, and had realized about 15 minutes too late that I'd forgotten to take a little off the sides (15 minutes too late meaning I'd walked down to the lake, removed my wrap, and was standing, exposed, for all the happy Canadians to assume I was a nice lesbian). I'm the sort of person who shaved my arms all through high school because I loathe body hair, although now I'm a little more lax about it. My sister, a mother of two herself, instantly put me at ease. "You know, I figure if they're looking there - they get what they deserve". It's kind of cruel, but kind of true. If someone is going to be pervy enough to stare at my crotch in a lazy river in February, I'm not too worried about them being scarred for life by a biscuit muppet. Except for all those small children at that level, and it's not like there's sideburns or 'fro action going on. Maybe I can get away with some touch-up work. Why isn't there a Groupon or Twongo special for THIS?

I am mostly packed, and by mostly I mean entirely, of course, as you all well know. The weather is so ridiculously gorgeous that I plan to wash the car after I pick up Jelly this evening, and then I think we are all set. I even remembered that I had bought some sand toys at the end-of-summer clearance sale (like, 4 months ago), so threw those in the car. I have procrastinated enough projects to make my life really, really awful next week, so I am going to simply pretend that time does not exist past Monday, which I think is a very reasonable and realistic plan, as well as assume that I will never have to pay another bill so that I can spend whatever I want this weekend.
Thanks, Presidents! Happy weekend, everyone!

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