Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Wash That Gal Right Outta My Hair

There were a lot of different ways I could have chosen to start off this post. I could have started off by admitting once again that yes, I was aware that there was an obesity epidemic amongst our youth and that yes, I absolutely positively was guilty of not giving Jenny a 100% balanced healthy meal each and every day. I could also go back to the post where I wrote about Facebook, how there were good things and bad things about being a part of a social networking site. Or I could take us all back to the posts we know and love, about how as moms we get judged from the very moment a bit of belly starts to poke out (ok, this is actually true of just about anybody). Or I could tell a story about my first truly professional haircut, almost 12 years ago now, how I walked into a salon and was handed a glass of wine and breathed in the smell of Bed Head products and thought I might actually die of happiness.

Some parents gracefully accept it with humor – your child, beautiful in your eyes, is not perfect. They may be smart, they may be funny, they may be able to curl their tongue and know their colors and enjoy singing questions to you instead of simply asking them, but they are far from perfect. Some parents turn a blind eye to their child’s imperfections, refusing to see, or even acknowledge, that what makes them less-than-perfect also makes them them. Who would want a perfect kid? That’s a lot of pressure to put on someone. I already worry about how many times a day I tell Jelly I’m proud of her for being so damn awesome. I don’t want her to crack under all that pressure of being so freaking cool. It’s why I also once in a while call her dopey when she does something stupid, just to make sure she can laugh at herself and relax (but OMG my dad got soooooooooo mad at me when he heard me say it).

I know that Jellybean is stubborn. I can quite clearly see that she is easily frustrated, and a people pleaser, and at times, quite moody. When she gets her mind made up about something, that is it. She was a chunky baby, a chubby toddler, and only now as an active preschooler is beginning to lose the baby fat and slim down.


You do not.

Tell me my baby is fat.

In a Facebook message.

Ok, you may be struggling a bit to keep up. Let me give you a little background.

Years and years ago, I went to Great Clips. Sad, I know, right? It’s ok, shh, the story gets happier. Well, a little happier. At least I make better hair choices now. When I finally got a job that didn’t pay me in kitty litter and toupee glue coupons, I was introduced to the wonder of the professional salon. Glittering, fast-talking, slick-magazined. It was glorious. My stylist had her scissors sharpened by someone who had apprenticed in Europe. With a Scissorsmith. No, seriously. That’s why it cost $10 per strand of hair. And the color! Omg, the color. She would individually mix 147 different shimmering shades that would catch the light when I shook my head in slow-motion. But little by little, over the years, the appeal, much like my highlights, began to fade. Now that I had Jellybean I didn’t have the time to spend 6 hours of my day in a chair. I didn’t have extra cars to sell for a simple trim. I didn’t want to hear about Loud and Quiet, customers referred from me that she had kept despite my protests (well, fair enough, tough economy and all), but customers I definitely did not want to discuss.

So I started to sneak around behind her back. It started with a little over-the-counter Feria here and there (look, I love a multi-faceted shine, what can I say?), some bang-trimming at home. But then she saw pics online and I definitely had shorter hair, and she knew something was up. She totally called me out. I was honest with her, mostly. I told her I had tried out someone new and cheaper. There was no way I was going to tell her that I was sick of hearing about her cats, and that the last few cuts were actually pretty disappointing. We had a history. Yes, I was a paying customer, but after such a long time it becomes awkward. She would say ‘I love you’ on the phone. I don’t need that. I say that to 4-5 people, tops, and yes, one of them is ribeye steak but the others are all family members. One may be an alcoholic beverage, but you get the point.

So my ex-stylist-only-she-hadn’t-really-accepted-it-yet was getting more and more pissy each time we corresponded, which was mostly in little comments she left on my Facebook wall. And they were more and more frequently some criticism about my parenting. Let’s keep in mind a few things here; firstly, that Ex-Stylist is not a parent. Secondly, the last time she saw Jelly was at least a year ago. Thirdly, she fancies herself a nutritionist for some reason (don’t ask). Fourthly, I can’t remember what I was going to say. Oh, right, that when I post a pic of Jellybean eating dinner, it’s not usually because she’s eating something boring or the norm or whatever, it’s because it’s hilarious and a good photo op and I think it’ll embarrass her later in life. So. Ahem.

What sparked the latest drama was a comment I made about cooking up some chili and tortillas. Ex-stylist remarked, ‘What kind of veggies are you doing?’, and apparently did not like my reply (standard tomatoes, onions, garlic) because she then commented, ‘Get some veggies in that kid!’. So a few nights ago, when I made Thai Drunken Noodles (chock-a-block full of nice veggies), I took a picture solely for her and posted it. Her comment? ‘I can sort of see them thru all those carbs’. My own fault, really, I know. At least I had the sense not to rise to it. I just calmly blinked twice and unfriended her. Before I did that, I sat very still for a few minutes thinking about whether or not I was still getting anything out of the friendship, whether I thought I would regret my decision/action, whether I thought it would hurt anyone else (another mutual friend of ours), and what the adult thing was to do. Then clicked. I knew instantly I’d made the right decision because I got the following almost instantaneously in a new Friend Request from her;

I'm sorry that you have de-friended me. All of the pics you post are of her eating unhealthly food. I am your friend and am looking out for YOUR child. You can be mad at me....that's fine...I care about you and Jenny. I have no personal gain for this. Stop sticking your head in the sand. She is CLEARLY overweight!

I know the statistics. I know that a fat mom more often than not means a fat kid. But I also know that eating a family meal, prepared together and eaten at a dinner table at the same time every day, with pleasant conversation about the day’s events, gives us a good check mark. She may not like a lot of veggies, but she’ll eat the hell out of any fruit put in front of her. Check. She eats breakfast every single day, usually an egg and/or toast, milk or diluted juice, or a whole-grain breakfast bar. Check. She gets a protein, a grain, a serving of veggies, and milk each day at lunch at the sitters. Check. I’m not big on sweets, so the poor thing never gets dessert or cookies or anything – I just don’t think about it. I snack when she naps, so that’s one less unhealthy habit. I’ll see what my pediatrician says at her three-year check up, but until then I refuse to freak out about it. I really don’t think my head is up my butt or in the sand or anywhere else. Do you freak out about your child being overweight? I know I have a good friend who freaks out 98% of the day about her child being underweight, and I think that is a billion times worse.

What makes me mad is that she thinks I’m a bad mom, and it makes me want to defend myself. I lay in bed that night formulating different responses that I would have written back to her if I were 10 (heck, 5) years younger and less mature, but they all ended with me shrieking BITCH!! STUPID BITCH!!! FUCCCKKKKKK!!!!!! So they weren’t very effective arguments. I know we don’t always eat great, but I do know that a really good portion (see? Food joke there, keepin’ it light after dropping the f-bomb) of the time I at least feed HER really, really well. She’s active, and healthy, and we do lots of running and jumping (much to my chagrin), and I try to model that lifestyle even if I haven’t lived it in the past. Screw her and her stupid cats. Jealous cow says meow.

Also, if you agree with her, please don't tell me. Because I'll cry.


MommieV said...

I reserve the C word for people like thay, and thats much worse than FUCK.

Crawl through this phone and kill a bitch, thats what I want to do.

JR? Is a toddler. A baby. Babies and toddlers are supposed to be fat. Rolls and rolls and juicy rolls of fat. Thats why we announce every little half ounce of birth weight and one week, one month, two month, one year, two year checkups.

Soon enough as she goes off to run and gallop and skip and you will wonder when her face lost most of its baby pudge ...

You did defend yourself, in that paragraph with your checkmarks. You are absolutely right about every one of them, but you dont need to list that shit out for anybody but yourself.

~Amy Jo~ said...

I don't know you, but I can tell you are a good mom. And nobody, especially a non-parent, should be telling you otherwise. As if we (moms) don't hate on ourselves enough...
Clearly this woman is insecure.

What is wrong with people???

Stephanie said...

HEY! I only spend about 90% of my day thinking (not freaking) about his weight. And that's just because every 15 minutes someone (doctor, friend, stranger) tells me "just how cute and small he is." Or the person I saw yesterday who saw fit to mention how he was starving as a baby (which I responded to with deer-in-headlights). So, yeah I get it.

I totally wish I would have seen that FB post, so I could call her the c-word. No matter what someone thinks, it is never okay for someone to call you out for your parenting on FB. Especially when that person cuts hair for a living, isn't related to you, and has no kids,. Which she obviously doesn't, if she thinks she could get a 2 year old to eat vegetables.

Anonymous said...

You did the right thing getting that negative woman out of your life. You were casual friends at best. Clearly she needs to get a life. As my mom says everyone has an opinion like every one has an asshole. You will always find someone who disagrees with you. That is your child and it is none of her business!!!

Genkicat said...


If this woman really cared about you and Jenny she would not be, in such a public forum, criticizing what you feed her. Not only does she not know what Jenny eats on a daily basis, she has no idea what is/is not a healthy weight for a toddler.

Jenny is beautiful. You are a terrific Mom.

If she really was concerned about Jenny's health, she could have spoken to you about it in a more delicate manner. Having said that she is clearly Waayyyyy off base. And absolutely out of line.

I'm glad she is out of your life.

And, it might make you feel better to tell her what you think. And I think it would be more than OK to call her whatever the hell you want.

Barb said...

Okay - I am glad this woman is your EX stylist. And now, apparently, your EX friend. All moms talk about how non-moms think they know so much until they actually have kids and then they think "OH shit, i was such an ass to my mom friends." BUT this woman's comments and judgment go beyond that. She's clueless and just plain cruel and condescending and who needs a friend like that... no matter how well she cuts hair. Cut her loose. And don't spend any more time thinking about it (or her). Jelly Bean deserves to be surrounded by people who love her without judgment. And so do you!!!

Ally said...

My sister has three toddlers, and they're all different sizes, and she feeds them all exactly the same. I love my little nephews' adorable pudgy cheeks and round ticklish bellies. My niece is 3 and built like a spidermonkey, all arms and legs. I love that too. Why would anyone say something so mean about a TODDLER?

This woman sounds like piece of work. I bet she's one of those people who think that a GOOD mother would be able to 'control' her kids in public too, ie, make them invisible and silent to the rest of the world. She's just shallow, ugly-minded and self-serving.

Jenny's ADORABLE, and obviously well loved and cared for. She doesn't need that nonsense in her life, and neither do you.