Thursday, August 27, 2009

Work Blows

Sorry it's been a while, but time flies when your job repeatedly kicks you in the teeth. I'm having a bit of a stressful time right now, and a total bitch of a coworker constantly going behind my back to my boss to complain about how I'm not my predecessor is not making things any easier. Last night would have been a really, really good evening to have a husband. Someone to pick up take-out, or play with Jelly so I could just have a drink or seventeen and try to forget the day. Without that, I found myself on the couch for longer than I would have liked and with more Nick Jr. exposure for Jellybean than I would have liked. It made me mad that there I was, someone who'd wanted so badly to be a mom, dialing it in. But the reality was, Jelly wasn't any worse off; she got some extra couch snuggles and loved the extra TV, and I wasn't forcing myself to do stuff but doing it irritably and losing my temper. And baby cuddles really did go a long way to making me feel a bit better about the world in general.


The things the single mom does for that nice, consistent paycheck.

It's almost the weekend, right?


Rhaven said...

Awww I'm sorry. But you are right in that cuddles with your precious one go a long long way.

bigpreg said...

I'm caught in a working mom shame spiral right now, feeling like I'm the worst "mother" for putting my son in someone else's care (so I can work two jobs and finish school) and feeling like the worst "person/woman/feminist" for feeling guilt/shame for achieving my goals and to provide for said child. I can't win--I feel guilty for feeling guilty.

I shouldn't.

And neither should you.

Naomi said...

While snuggling on the couch is good...and really, it does make everything so much's okay to have a drink or two (maybe not seventeen) after you put that gorgeous baby to bed. And we all have days we dial it in. They'll survive and we'll forget those days b/c we'll find something else to feel guilty about lol. Hope things get better!

Rector Funhouse said...

You have no idea how often I feel bad/mad/sad for dialing it in, now that I'm living my (and lot of other women's) dream.

My whole life I dreamed of playing with my kids and now when my kid wants to play, I'm like, "god help me if I have to pretend to be a stupid cat one more time."

Just another way that life surprises you / kicks you in the pants. Hope that makes you feel better!