Sorry it's been a while, but time flies when your job repeatedly kicks you in the teeth. I'm having a bit of a stressful time right now, and a total bitch of a coworker constantly going behind my back to my boss to complain about how I'm not my predecessor is not making things any easier. Last night would have been a really, really good evening to have a husband. Someone to pick up take-out, or play with Jelly so I could just have a drink or seventeen and try to forget the day. Without that, I found myself on the couch for longer than I would have liked and with more Nick Jr. exposure for Jellybean than I would have liked. It made me mad that there I was, someone who'd wanted so badly to be a mom, dialing it in. But the reality was, Jelly wasn't any worse off; she got some extra couch snuggles and loved the extra TV, and I wasn't forcing myself to do stuff but doing it irritably and losing my temper. And baby cuddles really did go a long way to making me feel a bit better about the world in general.
*sigh*
The things the single mom does for that nice, consistent paycheck.
It's almost the weekend, right?
2 years ago
4 comments:
Awww I'm sorry. But you are right in that cuddles with your precious one go a long long way.
I'm caught in a working mom shame spiral right now, feeling like I'm the worst "mother" for putting my son in someone else's care (so I can work two jobs and finish school) and feeling like the worst "person/woman/feminist" for feeling guilt/shame for achieving my goals and to provide for said child. I can't win--I feel guilty for feeling guilty.
I shouldn't.
And neither should you.
While snuggling on the couch is good...and really, it does make everything so much better...it's okay to have a drink or two (maybe not seventeen) after you put that gorgeous baby to bed. And we all have days we dial it in. They'll survive and we'll forget those days b/c we'll find something else to feel guilty about lol. Hope things get better!
You have no idea how often I feel bad/mad/sad for dialing it in, now that I'm living my (and lot of other women's) dream.
My whole life I dreamed of playing with my kids and now when my kid wants to play, I'm like, "god help me if I have to pretend to be a stupid cat one more time."
Just another way that life surprises you / kicks you in the pants. Hope that makes you feel better!
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