Off the Ledge

Man, are you guys ever awesome.

No, seriously.

That was some great advice there, ladies, from each and every one of you (plus The Ta, who called me and said CALM THE HELL DOWN THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A PERFECT FATHER ANYHOW, and also, 'Give me a warning the next time your post is so serious because I only read it for the Jelly pics and the comedy'. Which is totally fair and totally true. Even if I had a partner, who's to say he wouldn't be a jerk in some way? And no, I don't have to deal with it like NOW, and it's not like Jellybean will need all the answers right away even when she is old enough to start asking questions. And I'll probably screw some stuff up, but I'll do my best, and that's all we can do, just like everything else.

So I guess the answer is to take it one step at a time, be as truthful and heartfelt as I can, and ensure that she knows she's wildly and WIDELY adored throughout the whole thing. Cause that girl has some FANS! And if Quiet doesn't want to be a part of her life, well, that's sad but that's better than some horrible custody situation or an abusive relationship, and I'll just be very matter-of-fact about it like many of you suggested. And who knows, maybe I'll meet someone (hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha) and it won't even be an issue.

And good luck to everyone else going through something similar, or thinking about going through something similar. Especially the thinkers. Don't be discouraged by my occasional mental barfs. The positives of having Jelly in my life far outweigh any concerns or issues (except for the sleep, because really, 5:45 am for the past week?! REALLY?!). Right now we are waiting for ice to melt so that we can get to the caregiver's house, and watching Diego (penguin episode), and she just threw herself to the floor going, 'Honk, honk!' and doing the worm because the penguins were sliding. You just can't buy hilarity like that.

I guess we all have more in common than I thought - the thinkers, the tryers, the single moms, the married moms. We all worry, we all hope for the best but plan for the worst, and we all can understand each other's fears. Even though we may have different situations or be at different places in our lives, we all put ourselves through torment over something like this;

Tapir says hi, too. And no, that's not something coming out of her head, it's my patio umbrella that I definitely should have taken in a zillion years ago. But who's got time for THAT?!