Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Mural, Mural, on the Wall. And the floor... and my hair...

What I thought was just allergies for Jellybean ended up being a bad cold, that then turned into an ear infection/sinus infection, so I have had a sick, incredibly grumpy girl at home the past few days. Which translates into trying to get a whole bunch of things done, and doing none of them well. At ALL. Things I have done poorly include my job, taking care of Jelly, housework, meal prep, painting the @#$% playroom, taking care of myself, being patient, and bathing.

When Jenny is sick her standard retort is 'Tummy hurts'. Doesn't matter if it's her head or her butt giving her troubles. Tummy hurts. So you can imagine how many times I've heard that over the past 4 days. I've heard it at 3:30 am, at 7 am, at 7 and 7:15 and 7:30 and 7:45 and 7:55 and 7:57 pm (she did not want to go to bed). I've heard it when she was served something she didn't want to eat, when she was bored, when she wanted to dawdle on the potty. I am so freaking grateful that she went to daycare today that I could weep, because it means 9 hours of NOT hearing 'tummy hurts'. Which makes me feel a little guilty, because, you know, she was pretty miserable. But now she's back on a lovely antibiotic, and any time she opens her mouth I shove Motrin in it, and she's getting plenty of sleep PLUS she's had LOTS of extra mommy time. So, you know, I'll get over it.

In other I'm-excited-about-that news, I got a migraine last night BUT since my brilliant doc (Dr. Jones, isn't that awesome?!) prescribed an anti-nausea drug, I took that along with a fistful of Tylenol and the migraine pill and - ta-da! Look at me! I have a slight migraine hangover but none of the muscle pains and wanting-to-die-ness I usually experience. He thought that the violent vomiting might be a big part of the whole experience being so awful, and boy, was he right. What was likely happening in the past was that I was actually barfing up the migraine drugs. So although it all took longer to work than I expected (just a few minutes over an hour, believe me, I was clock-watching), and it was touch-and-go there for a while, I'm pretty stoked about this new development.

Since the wonderful Miss D is out of town on her well-deserved magical Disney vacation (bitch), I have Jelly back with the very nice Miss N for the week. Miss N was Jelly's caregiver back when The Horrible Thing happened and I was just looking for a warm body to keep one eye on The Bean while I looked for a permanent solution to replace the great nanny. Miss N ended up being a terrific provider, and if she hadn't already promised her open spots to some new babies, may have ended up being the permanent solution. But we ended up finding Miss D so I am plenty happy. However, the fact that Miss N LIVES ON MY STREET is, well, just really, really convenient. It's nice to have as a backup, since Jelly knows the other kids and remembers Miss N and the house and the toys and all those important things. And hey, she'll get away from me for a while, so I'm sure she'll be much happier there than at home (she cried over no less than 7 different things in the 15 minutes it took us to get out of bed and out the door this morning; getting dressed, not bringing 8 million toys downstairs, having milk instead of juice, her shoes, her hair, her breakfast options, and not taking 8 million toys in the car).

Since I was trapped in the house with Grumpy Pants, I did what any sensible, caring mother of a sick child would do, and parked her in my room with some toys and her friend TV and did some more painting in the playroom. Things went badly. Here's a pop quiz for you:

When is it a good idea to paint a mural?

A. When someone is paying you
B. When it's a favor for a friend
C. When you want to do something special for your child
D. When your parents ask you to

Ha, it was a trick, the answer is, 'Never'. I have painted murals for friends, for my parents, for money, and now for Jelly, and it's never, EVER a good idea. Painting is only a good idea when you're paying someone else to do it. Especially if you're impatient and a perfectionist - this is a terrible mix for painting. Painting requires patience, and planning, and laying down sheets of plastic on the floor, and waiting appropriate amounts of time for things to dry, and other things that I don't have/do.

Here's my problem; I envision the project, completed, and think - 'Wow - not only will that look great, it will be sooooooo much fun to do!'. I am wrong, because painting is not fun, it's work. I also always grossly underestimate the amount of time the project is going to take. In my head it takes 4 hours, start to finish. It's only when I am mixing paint, trying to get that perfect color, and realize 2 hours have passed already and the paint looks like poo, that it dawns on me - this project is going to take longer. I may actually have to come back on weekends and finish after I've sold the house in 25 years.

Then I start. The colors aren't right but I'm out of time already and don't care, and just want to get something up on the wall. Then I try to rush it, and drip paint all over the carpet, because I never lay down the plastic like I'm suppose to. I start with cheap CVS paint brushes that I picked up while getting JR's prescription filled, and am shocked that my convenience does not equal quality. So then I go get better brushes, and get going again, and forget to do the experimental stuff behind the door like a smart person would, but hey - that doesn't look so bad. But that's a terrible way to think, because then I get cocky, and that means I think I can do new exciting things that never work out, and I get fast and sloppy and it all goes downhill very quickly. Next thing I know, I'm up on a ladder, and I'm like, 'Oh, whoa, wait, this sucks'. Then I'm on my hands and knees, and I'm thinking, 'Hmm, this is pretty lame'. Then I'm laboriously doing some detail work, and my arm aches and my shoulders ache and I'm holding my breath to get it just right and I'm sweaty and exhausted and making up blog posts in my head, and I realize - this is an awful idea, I should NEVER do this again. And I suddenly remember saying that exact same thing, many times before, which I had previously blocked out in my excitement and stupidity.

I am really honestly hoping to finish the painting this weekend (hahahahahahahaha!), which means that next is the sewing. Remind me again why I do this to myself?!

Oh, right...

"I FWY, mama!". Yes, sweety, you are extremely graceful, stomping around flinging your arms around and screaming 'Whee! Butterfwy!' loud enough to scare the other small children.

Tonight we are meeting Aunt Jonesy and The Ta for dinner to discuss - BEACH TRIP PLANS! Hurray for another (free!) beach trip! I can't believe it's in just over a week. Aunt Jonesy has rented an awesome beach house (don't click that link unless you want to sob enormous tears of jealousy) and Jelly will be so freaking happy to be there with not just a pool, but The Ta AND her special friend Aunt J. The invite is open for the week, and with the wireless option we are going to stay a few days past the weekend (since I will be able to work, with other people there to help watch Fattybottom), so it will be lovely. The camping trip the following weekend might be off, but you know what? I think we might have enough to do.


MommieV said...

I'm going to use Google Earth and figure out exactly where that awesome beach house is and crash your beach trip in the middle of the night with my toddler in tow.

Not really, but it was a nice fantasy there for a moment.

Oh Mah Gawd that's an awesome place!

I was just laughing so hard that one of my co-workers came to make sure that I was "ok". Ooops.

Stephanie said...

" will be sooooooo much fun to do!"

"because then I get cocky, and that means I think I can do new exciting things that never work out"

Snort and snort. We should never do projects together. Honestly, I'm optimistic about almost nothing except what thing I can accomplish. At least you guess 4 hours...I'm mostly around the two hour mark. Sadness.

My advice? One-- they make paint-color sharpies and sell them at Joanne's. Screw you straight lines. Two--paint that mural on a piece of paper so you won't be crying when J wants to update your 75 hours of work with something new. In a year.

So says the mom still hanging on to a bedroom full of sea creatures (including my behind-the-door, stoned-looking whale [that looks like a goldfish cracker]. I considered cutting them know--drywall and all...but Joel said, "no".

Barb said...

You crack me up. I love reading posts like this that are so very honest and hilarious. I should read this again next time I decide to "just quick paint the bathroom." :)

Enjoy the beach house. It looks fabulous!