Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Falling Through the Cracks

I really don't think it's a matter of too many balls in the air; honestly, in my case I think it's just plain ol' crappy time management. Sure, I work and have a Bean, but lots of people do that and manage to stay ahead of the game. Allow me to provide a breakdown of my basic problem; work stresses me out, and so I put stuff off. This of course only results in more stress, and then when I could/should be doing other stuff, I'm playing catch up. Or doing even more non-work stuff to reward myself for coping with all the stress that I've totally created for myself. I procrastinate with the housework too, putting things away halfway (like, the laundry makes it out of the dryer and into my bedroom, but somehow always ends up on the floor at the foot of my bed in a heap). I start projects and don't finish them (ahem, playroom). My freezer is filled with unappealing leftovers. I open my mail, then leave it in random places around the house; unpaid bills, angry letters about my unkempt lawn from my HOA, reminders to renew things, the extremely important paperwork for Jenny's first dental appointment.

I didn't use to be like this. I'm an organizer at heart, a project manager. I delight in list-making, the sense of accomplishment in a task completed. So what's the deal? Is it a lack of motivation? Depression? Lousy diet of Sour Cream & Onion chips and orange soda, therefore no energy or brain power? I dunno. But let me tell you, I just got off the phone with the entertainment for JR's 2nd Birthday Party Extravaganza, and I had totally forgotten to send the deposit. Therefore, they had cancelled the booking. Gulp. Luckily, the nice man on the phone either desperately needed my money or just did not want to hear me cry anymore, so the day has been saved. But really, as if?!

Yes, it's true that I am at this moment writing to my blog and all you lovely devoted readers instead of, well, working or emptying the dishwasher or making a nutritious lunch. And that just further proves my point; I should be calling the lawn guy, or picking up toys, or actually bathing for once (as Jenny's talking improves hourly I dread the day she calls me 'Stinky Mama'). I should be taking out the recycling, renewing our library books, scheduling haircuts. But it seems my get-up-and-go is gone. I've got no gumption. Can I blame the weather or the season or something? What the heck is up?! Can someone share their secret to motivating themselves, or at least tell me that I'm not the only one who just doesn't care about much right now?*

The only one in this house who has her shit together. The future's so bright, Jellybean has to wear shades. To make popcorn.

*That's obviously outside of the above adorable small person, who is now experimenting with 2-word sentences to document her every mood and action ('I awake!', 'Jenny help', 'Song Wheels?' - the above was a 'Me, cheese!' so that I would take her picture). And the playroom plan has backfired in a horrible way - not only does she not want to play in it by herself, she's so excited that she's waking up even earlier. Seriously, yo, this was not how this was suppose to go down.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Service With a (Forced) Smile

It’s been a really long time since I’ve been on client site – with responsibilities. The last few trips, I was there in a training or observational capacity, which meant I could stare out the window or text funny things to people, or draft blog posts. This trip I actually had to pay attention, and participate, and take good notes, and do some rather complex troubleshooting involving SSL certificates that was WAY over my head. Business travel is a pain, but for the single mother it usually means quiet, free expensive dinners with lots of drinks in places that have two waiters per table, lounging comfortably for hours in a room I don’t have to clean and a bed absolutely void of Fruit Loops, and sleeping in til the blissful hour of seven.

I’d forgotten that sometimes work travel is hard, that things go wrong, or at least don’t go right, and that sometimes you work your ass off for 12 hours straight in a cloyingly hot uncomfortable tiny room without even a break for lunch. I forgot the weariness that you feel eating an overpriced appetizer off the late-night menu in a crappy hotel restaurant long after the other diners have departed, the frustration and exhaustion where you just really don’t care anymore and want to lay down and close your eyes but you still have to do your regular day job before you can collapse in a fitful haze while tourists holler at each other into the wee hours in the hallways.

And man, did I ever miss that kid. The Ta had a rough week with the newly nicknamed ‘Terror Tot’, who learned to open the back door, made The Ta cook 18 different menus for her, fell off the bed, refused to go to sleep, and generally was a 1-yr 11-mo old. Yep, as of this week, just one more month til The Bean is two! And, she’s still a crazy person, in case you thought she might have suddenly regained a state of normalcy. There was also a dry diaper scare Wednesday when Jelly just would not pee despite guzzling several gallons of fluid; happily, she finally had some soakers, but sadly, one of them was when she was suppose to be blissfully asleep. It’s agonizing getting the text messages, both the worrisome ones AND the pictures of her happily playing, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. I’ve had to leave her enough now that I am able to hold it together, but it’s still a long few days.

And I have to travel again in a month. *sigh*
I was spoiled there for a while. Now it looks like at least four, maybe more, months in a row where I'm gone for a week. Luckily the next visit will overlap with the grandparents being here for her party, so she'll get to hang out with them for most of the week while I'm back at corporate. But this product release is killing me. Someone, please hurry up and find me a nice, tall, dark-haired nerdy baby daddy with a good job so I can stay home and eat bonbons.

Ever wonder what an $18 dirty martini looks like? DELICIOUS is what it looks like.

This is BEFORE the pool had an inch of water in it, and The Ta caught her outside throwing books into it.

Just make yourself at home, Jenny.

Ms. D takes her to Marbles

Thursday, April 22, 2010

A Faire Day

Who’s a pretty, pretty princess?

(other than me)

Jellybean is a pretty, pretty princess!!

Last weekend was the local Renaissance Faire. I’d like to say it was lots of fun – but I have an almost-two-year old. So it was a beautiful day, and she looked f’ing adorable, and there was lots of cool stuff to see and do… but we were only there for an hour, and in that time she had no less than 7 temper tantrums. Some were mild, and some were the kind where she balled up her fists and threw herself on the ground and kicked and shrieked, and I looked around at people like, ‘Omg WHERE is this kid’s mother? Because SHE must be a TERRIBLE person!’. Yeah, I did the thing where you freeze up and just stare in total shock and bewilderment (something I swore I would never do), and I may have said, ‘Look, do you see any other little princesses laying on the ground screeching their little princess heads off?’ (yep, check that one off the list as well, and I HATE that one). She’s doing this thing where she suddenly wants to be carried all the time, and mama don’t play that. I don’t like lollipops in my hair, or earrings torn out of my lobes, or boogers smeared across the front of my shirt. Mostly I just can’t deal with hefting around what feels like a trillion pound sack of Jellybean goodness.

Some of the unhappiness is second-year molars (yay, teething!). Some of the unhappiness is toddler-itis. Some of it is waking-up-at-5:45-ism. Whatever it is, it’s a very exciting time. Those of you with babies – YOU HAVE IT EASY. Yes, it’s true that they have to be carried everywhere in those heavy carseats, and they spit up, and they have a nasty habit of waking up in the middle of the night. But they aren’t the fun sponges that toddlers are. It’s the lack of predictability that gets me – never knowing what to expect from their behavior, their appetite, their likes/dislikes, their wake-up time, the fact that one morning they wake up and SANDALS ARE EVIL! OMG how DARE you try to put an open-toed shoe on their foot! SHRRRIIEEEKKK!!!!!!

Have I stressed enough that they are totally crazy people?

Thursday, April 1, 2010

No Fooling, Happy Easter

Can you guess what I got yesterday afternoon?

I'll give you a hint;

Nice picture, not blurry or weirdly lit - EASYSHARE!!!
Can you believe they got it to me before my trip?!!! I think I love you, random internet company that had it cheapest ($60!).

And that's the traditional Jellybean Mama Family Easter Cake. My mom made it, and now so will I. Except I gave it to our awesome caregiver and her family, since we are going out of town. And I made it pink. And I didn't put coconut on the whole thing, because lots of people don't like coconut. And also, Jenny and I ate the bowtie part. Hey, we deserved some cake, too.

I hope everyone has a nice Easter. If you're a single-trying, do something nice for yourself. Something that involves chocolate. Tell them I said so, because you deserve it. And if you're a single mama, enjoy playing bunny! And if you're a married mama, well, you're allowed to have fun and chocolate, too :-). Also, if you are single or married and don't have kids and don't want 'em, well, you're the smartest of all of us, so you can go out for a fancy dinner or drinks and spend lots of money and laugh about how crazy the rest of us are.