Packed and Ready to Roll

Jellybean got her two front teeth. What more could a gal ask for?!

We will be in Canada for like a million years, so will be web dark until January. I hope that everyone has a very merry Christmas, a safe and happy holiday, a terrific New Year's, and enjoys warm and fun times with friends and family members. Don't kill the family members, they mean well.

Jellybean Gets a Pony

Yes, I swore I wasn't going to go crazy for Jellybean for Christmas.

Yes, I have proven time and time again to be a dirty liar.

No, I cannot afford this. No, she does not 'need' this.

But, really, as if? When people say, 'So what did you get your daughter for her first Christmas?', I will always be able to answer, 'A pony'.

And it's really, really super-cute. I know exactly what she's going to do on it. She's going to hug it, and crinkle its ears, and suck her fingers, and not rock 'n bounce at all. But she will love it.

In exciting news, JENNY GOT HER FIRST TOOTH!!! Yes, now all she wants for Christmas is just one more to pop through and she'll have her two front teeth. She did awesomely, I didn't even know it had shown itself until I stuck my finger in her mouth. Good work, Jelly! Next stop, steak!

Christmas Eggs

I need to know why someone didn't tell me that Cadbury's was releasing a 'Christmas' version of their coveted Easter Crème Egg. Oh, right, because I'd buy a dozen and gain 47 lbs, that's right. Seriously, I can't even remember where I saw them because I instantly blocked it out to protect myself. And my pants.

Today was a sad day because The Nanny's baby was barfy last night, so she couldn't come play. Which meant I had two really serious to-do items that I'd put off doing Friday that were going to be ignored in favor of 'Who's Got Stinky Toes?' and other classics (Jenny also greatly enjoys 'Mama's Interpretive Dance Stylings to Christmas Music' and 'Bellybutton Raspberries'). Luckily The Nanny's mum, Mimi, showed up around 3:30 so that I could get a teensy bit of blogging err work done.

It's like three seconds until we leave for Canada, it's so crazy. My Christmas wish this year is for the two of us to relax and get well, and I shotgunned some Flinstones chewables as I typed that. My mum thinks that Jellybean has an allergy, since there is apparently no such thing as the six-week-cold, so maybe getting the bastard out of Carolina will help (yes, I know, it may be accurate and a teensy bit funny but it's not very nice to say).

In much more boring news, I have my new laptop so am using the new Office 2007 MS Word 'Post to Blog' feature. I'll let you know how it turns out, and how much crying and screaming is involved. I don't like new things and drag my heels on changing pretty much anything, but I have a serious crush on the new Outlook layout. I feel like a commander at a post of some kind, there's just so much data available on my screen at one time!

As I load up all my old programs and spyware I will get back on track very quickly with updating Jelly's site with pics, however, I plan to be totally web dark for the holidays. I like to vacation on my vacations, which means no pressure to constantly update Facebook or stay on top of yahoo spam or view the latest youtube viral vid. I'll be back online sometime the week of January 5^th, but will try to post at least once more before I go. Because, you know, I'm sure as heck not going to be WORKING this Friday.

It Got Worse

Even if you don't know her, you want to kiss her, don't you?!

The good news on Friday was that I did NOT have strep throat. Yay!

The bad news was that Saturday evening I came down with the flu. I was hot/cold and up all night, finally barfing some time around 4am. Sunday morning my life-saving friend Ta picked up Jelly early, and I pulled myself together enough to shower and get on a plane.

Sunday evening I ran off a plane and barfed my guts out in the baggage terminal bathroom.

Early Monday morning I barfed some more, dozed feverishly, then woke up with pink eye.

This morning I woke up with the flu, pink eye, PLUS a cluster of cold sores.

Whaddya think tomorrow will bring? I’m excited. I am wondering if I’ll actually spew frogs, or locusts maybe. My poor little immune system must be so mad at me, I can’t imagine. I assume it’s from Jellybean constantly sneezing in my open mouth, or because I spend 14 hours a day up to my elbows in her boogers, or because she had some fussy nights and refuses to sleep anywhere but 1 ¼ inches away from my face, and she thinks it's hilarious to spit at me to try to get me to open my eyes.

I can only assume the lack of sleep the past few weeks is to blame. That, and my mother is right and I need to start taking better care of myself and eating real food. The past few days have been brutal – I’ve cut out dairy, chocolate, caffeine, citrus (or anything acidic in general), all migraine triggers in case that’s contributing (alcohol, mushrooms, MSG) – nothing is helping the crapping/barfing program my body is steadily running. Do you REMEMBER the post where I said I was looking forward to this week because I was going to get to go out drinking with some old coworkers I hadn't seen in 5 years?! CRUEL!!

Since I’m trying to be more positive this week for whatever reason, it’s actually good that I’m not home in my comfy bed right now. I’m not exposing The Bean to whatever the heck I’m wracked with. And I don’t have to get up with her in the night, which was brutal on Saturday (I put her in my lap and did the sitting bump thing to get down the stairs so that I wouldn’t drop her). Although I miss my electric blanket when the chills take over – I slept fully dressed and in my winter coat Sunday night, which was not as comfy as you might think. And I feel bad knowing that I exposed at least a zillion people to the medley of holiday joy I’m walking around with. But it’s a bad time to be unemployed, and my boss now definitely knows I’m committed (as well as committable).

I just want to be home. I miss my snotty baby. Look at that face again. How could I feel bad when I've got that waiting to greet me in a few days?

It Could Always Be Worse

There are lots of good things about blogs. When you have one, it’s cathartic to post. You can share things with people that you might not otherwise have time, or courage, or a venue, to share. When you read other blogs, you learn interesting fun facts about other people’s lives. Mostly that, despite the fact you think yours is the hardest, EVERYONE out there has a really super bad (not the movie, but like, the kind of bad you don’t even talk about) day or week occasionally.

I was prepared to write yet another ‘oh poor me’ post this morning, as I am writing from bed. I started feeling crappy last night as my throat slowly closed up and my glands prepared to take over my whole head. I had nightmares about being sick. First thing this morning I called my doctor, who can’t see me til 4:30. I just know it’s strep throat. That’s what I get when I’m stressed and run down and miss sleep. And of course it’s a Friday, so I’ll need to take care of the baby all day tomorrow and Sunday by myself while trying not to give it to her. Oh, and then I fly to Boston Sunday evening because I have a presentation to give to 35 of my peers all day Monday and Tuesday. Yep, awesomeness.

But it could be worse.

I could have no sleep and a screaming baby, and be out of my mind worrying about what I could do to make it even a little better.

I could have a darling husband and several cute children, and be in a terrible plane crash and have to be put in a medically-induced coma for three months.

I could be still trying to have my first and only, suffering through month after month of crushing disappointment and fertility humiliations err treatments, only to be told at age 36 that I’m starting menopause early.

Some people think that blogs are self-serving, a waste of time, passive spam. I constantly find blogs that remind me to appreciate what I have, to stop bitching about the small things or even the big things because, well, at least I have the ability and energy to bitch, right? Over 500,000 people were laid off in the month of November, and I wasn’t one of ‘em. My neighbors totally suck, but I have a nice house, and the heating bill is killing me but I have heat. Diapers and formula have taken the place of $200 hair cuts, but I can feed and clothe my baby. I have to be away from Jelly for a week, but we will have two whole weeks at Christmas together, and I have a tree up and presents underneath it, and I didn’t have to steal or ask for a handout to get them.

If you are having a really, really bad time right now, look around the interwebs. There are other people sick and scared and lonely and tired and frustrated and hurting. Remind yourself of 5 things that you are grateful for. I’ll bet it won’t be hard. And hang in there. Remember the Devil's Arithmetic - one day plus one day plus one day plus one day...

My 5 Things Today:

1. Jellybean (duh!)
2. My job - Unknowingly paying me to write blog posts for over 4 years
3. My family, and my friends who are like family
4. I’m not in South Carolina
5. Chocolate-covered marshmallow Santas (you were expecting something deeper from me? Have you EATEN those things?! Happiness in a little green foil wrapper, my friend)

The Long Slow Descent Into Holiday Hell

Man, am I beat. I really don't have time to dilly-dally around with blog posting seeing as I've got to prep for my presentation in Boston next week (yes, can you believe how pitiful my life is that I've got to go back already, and how pitiable your life is that you'll have to hear more whining about it?). But I hate to disappoint the fans, plus it gives me another opportunity to point out that my cousin hasn't posted in A MONTH practically. Sheesh.

Soooooooo... in one single stream-of-consciousness statement, here's the Thanksgiving event summary;

Lousy traffic as expected, overtired baby freaked out by everyone and the noise, overtired stressed out mother freaked out by noise and trying to keep freaked out baby from clinging to ceiling fan, hot and barfy shopping excursion, ignored for iPhone and totally jealous, headache, off-schedule baby, trying to do too much and exhausting self, put up Christmas tree and barely get half the ornaments on but HEY! it's a damn tree up and I'm a freaking single mother so BACK OFF! so very tired, baby not sleeping, nice to see family but so little time to enjoy it, house so full of people and baby stuff and need to do laundry and always dirty dishes and OH THANK GOD IT'S TUESDAY AND THE NANNY IS COMING.

The End.

Jellybean did NOT enjoy having guests in her house. She is a lot like me that way - she is very social and happy until she decides she's done with the whole thing, and then just wants everyone the hell out THAT INSTANT. She warmed up to my mum eventually, and my brother danced for her so she thought he was hilarious and he earned the name Uncle Dancy, which he's understandably not too thrilled about. She even came around to my dad, despite the fact he growled and pawed at her like some loud scary moustached bear. With his shirt tucked into his underpants. However, she constantly startled whenever someone walked past, especially in the evening, and all the extra sounds seemed to irritate her. She didn't sleep well, either in Charlotte or at home, and was pretty clingy even for a Jelly. I'm tired of hauling her fat butt around, regardless of how cute it is. I was happy to have non-house, non-baby work to focus on today.

It makes me even more excited for the Christmas break; since it's less than 3 weeks away, Jelly might remember the grandparents and not freak out as bad. And we have more time to settle into a comfortable routine. And I won't be all tense about being at my house, and everything that needs done. We'll have a whole two weeks to relax and spend time together, which was really the best part of the long weekend - just getting to spend time with the bean. I am glad and grateful that my parents made the long trek down here, and it was great to see them and hang out with my mum (and she cooked some awesome meals, as always). Secretly it was a little nice to have a clingy baby who wanted her mother, and it was me.