Check Up From the Neck Up, Crap Gets Moved Around and Jelly Wins a Prize

She's so funny. For some reason this picture just cracks me up. Maybe it's the winning combination of nudity/hair bow. Or the slightly abused yet tolerant look on her face. Either way, she was good as gold and cute as a button for her first-year check up with our favorite doctor. She had to get a finger stick (lead test and hemoglobin), and three shots, which she was as indignant as always about. Her weight is right about where I expected it to be (28.7), and she's actually evening out as far as height and head size, which is nice. No weeble-wobble babies here.

I guess the Nanny got tired of tripping over and trying to keep organized the 847 toys in the living room area, because she decided to make the dining room a play room. It was something I had thought of myself when I had first bought the house, since the living room/dining room are ‘open concept’, and therefore the ‘dining room’ was never going to be a formal area. The problem is, the area where we are now forced to put the table isn’t exactly conducive to feeding two small extremely messy food-flingers. Plus there are now reams of toys underneath said table at any given moment, and picking fried rice out of Dolly’s hair is not my idea of a fun Saturday night.
So this means I need to get rid of the ultra gorgeous but equally useless pub table and stools in the small kitchen eating space, and find an extremely cheap but sturdy useful table and chairs to put in its place. We also had to move out the high chairs, so I need to find one more booster seat for Cade (Jellybean thinks she’s such hot stuff in a booster!).

And since a bookshelf was moved into the new play area, I also have to replace what was previously a very nice place to dump keys etc. by the front door in the entranceway. Hopefully selling all the stuff we’re no longer using (*sob* good-bye, beautiful pub table – I knew you such a short time, yet only ever really sat at you twice) will balance out the ‘new’ (Craigslist, of course) purchases.

*Update: CL came through, like I knew he would. I found a round table that comes with two leaves, and three chairs (yes, one chair was broken, and we really just need three anyhow, for Nanny and the two kids, so I talked ‘em down to $45 for the whole set). I also got a booster for $8. And the high chairs sold within 10 minutes of posting the ad – I’m getting better at setting the right price and reeling ‘em in with a hot subject header. They're getting picked up in a few hours! Now, what else can I sell...

So while it’s kinda nice to have a living room back, I’d gotten use to watching TV a certain way and now the couches are too close for that. I have to re-adjust to the television being at a normal viewing level (thanks to my dad, yay dad!), which means mapping out a new plan for getting comfy on the couch. Maybe I just don’t like change, I don’t know, the new layout makes sense and everything but I’m all irritated by it. Maybe I’m just grumpy. I need to give it some time.

Saturday was a crazy fun day for the Jellybean household. Below are some pics for your enjoyment and horror. I'm to exhausted by the thought of that day to write cute descriptions. Yes, I put my baby on a sketchy carnival ride all by her lil ol’ self. Yes, she enjoyed it immensely. Yes, we're both crazy people.

And I think she might have a future counting cards in Vegas, judging by how adept she was at the ‘Ducky’ game. Man, do I ever love me some Fish Pond at the fair.

In just a few short days – Jelly’s first camping adventure! I am hot (and not in a sexy ‘Twilight’ way) just thinking about it.

Also - I watched some of the MTV Movie Awards and MAN! Am I OLD!!! And there's some reality show coming out, 'Dance Your Ass Off' - when did that become ok, to have a swear in the title of a television show? And when did I get so old that I was indignant about 'swears', and refered to them as 'swears'?! I LOVE to swear! I just don't think it's appropriate for prime-time network television show titles, apparently.

Oh, and I saw a commercial for 'Free Realms', a new online MMORPG, and tried it out yesterday. Ehh. Made me miss Final Fantasy some more, if possible. But not enough to go to EQ. I was impressed by the family-friend appeal of it, and the fact you could level up in different jobs instead of just run amok stabbing stuff. Uh, mainly that you could be a 'Cook'.

Memorial Day Celebrated In Style with Toilet Wings

A cute baby in a hotel window

This past weekend was the much-anticipated trip to Cincinnati, and it was EXACTLY as fun, exhausting, stressful, hilarious, and memorable as I’d expected it to be.

Let’s break it down by activity:

The Flights
The flight there was miserable. Jellybean and I sat beside someone EXACTLY like Loud – young, obnoxious, full of himself, hairy, terrible music taste, honestly and earnestly confused as to why someone would hate him. The stewardess was ready to stab him by take-off, since she’d had to delay departure to check his bag that I TOLD him wouldn’t fit, ask him to take his boots off the bulkhead, turn off his iPod in preparation for departure, AND put on his seat belt. Jellybean, who can sense when someone is an asshat, could not help but stare at him awkwardly about a foot away from his face. His reaction was hilarious – he kept sideways glancing at her, irritated. I thought he was going to throw down his incredibly important papers and ask her if she wanted to fight. However, Jelly quickly tired of being ignored and took matters into her own hands; she sucked in an immense mouthful of diluted juice from her sippy cup, and did a dead-on Jim Carrey imitation as she giggle-spit it all over him. Even though his elbow was constantly in my Philly spot* I felt bad. Holding a wriggling baby/toddler for that long killed my back (no, she did not sleep on either flight), and made me more excited about driving this summer.

The return flight was slightly better, but our seatmate was a freaked-out uptight woman who was claustrophobic on planes (THEN WHY FLY IF YOU KNOW THIS?! IT’S ONLY CINCINNATI-RALEIGH!), and she was equally irritated at having a sweet little baby beside her, a baby who just wanted to love her and play peek-a-boo and pat her. The woman wanted no part of it, and kept ‘harrumph!’-ing angrily, thrashing about in her seat, and complaining out loud about how she was likely to have a panic attack any second. Jellybean tried to console her with a gooey piece of half-chewed mini-bagel, which only made the woman madder. I felt bad, but really, it’s not like my kid was screaming or barfing, so screw you for being mean to a Bean.

The Nights
I learned that my precious nephew has a super-sonic cry that can call woodland creatures to his side and make ocean currents reverse. Sleep was an issue for everyone, most of all for my poor sister. Three kids, three different naptimes – never again. There was also a baby convention at the hotel, apparently, and they were plum (plumb?) out of cribs (luckily, after I got mine). My sister got to experience several safety Don’ts in trying to find a place for little Nathan to sleep, and found herself walking a stroller around in the wee hours of the morning more than once. Jelly still had her cough, so was up a few times, and I spent a few hours over the weekend sitting on the bathroom floor with a book while I waited for her to fall asleep. But she did a good job, considering she was away from home in a strange bed.

The best night was when we gave the cousins a bath together, read them all bedtime stories, and then watched some pay-per-view (‘Coraline’, loved it). It was me, my sister N, and my mum. It was nice. I still wish I had secretly ordered porn so that my dad could have seen it on his hotel bill and freaked out. Gay porn. Or something really freaky, with animals or corn dogs or finger puppets.

The Sights
We were there for such a short time that we didn’t really do much except eat and see lots of family. Friday night totally blew since we were all tired and grumpy and covered in various baby bodily fluids, and I ended up ditching and going back to the quiet and air-conditioning of the hotel so as not to be a raging bitch in front of everyone. This meant I had to break one of my long-standing rules of not eating in the bathroom, since I realized that my only window for hot food was when Jelly was in the bath. As a result, I found myself sitting on the toilet, eating mild chicken wings out of a Styrofoam to-go box, while Jelly glared at me jealously from the bubbles.

And you are...?

We all went to my cousin’s Sunday afternoon, and although I feel like I didn’t get to talk to everyone as much as I would have liked, it was a good visit. Jellybean shocked us all by looking out the window and proclaiming, quite clearly, ‘Doggie!’. I should have expected as much for her second word. She also learned to blow kisses, although it’s more of a put-hand-over-mouth then quickly point at the lucky recipient. Very cute, and her great-grandma got one of them. My one cousin who is a nurse told an extremely funny story about a little old man exposing himself in a bowl of cereal, and an exceptionally juicy bratwurst squirted up my nose. I spent a lot of time in the bathroom because of a rookie mistake with chili dogs at lunch time. I will make that mistake again next trip, guaranteed.

My cousins, playing 'Guess That Fat Baby's Weight'

The Fights
Surprisingly, there weren’t really any, other than the baby slap-fights between Jenny Fingers and Fat Nate. My dad got into it at breakfast with his brother G, and I had the misfortune of sitting across from them, but I was so busy wolfing down biscuits and gravy that I didn’t really care.

The Plights
My sister and her family had an adjoining room, and there was no end of drama and intrigue there. I thought at one point my brother was going to have to climb out my hotel window and shimmy across the ledge to her room, but we narrowly avoided a truly tragic incident involving doors accidentally locking and babies sleeping. I started to get a migraine on Saturday but saw it coming, so headed it off with Xanax and a nap. I always felt like we were late, or that we weren’t doing enough stuff, but it was so hard to schedule so many people.

The True Delights
Jellybean falling asleep watching TV with me (terrible, I know, but so cozy! I would do this ALL the time at home if I let myself). Early morning swimming in the hotel pool. Jelly eating breakfast with Fat Nate and Grandpa. King Carl Castlehoff, a puppet birthday present from Aunt N, and hopefully not a star of any porno movies. The first margarita of the evening Saturday night. My niece shrieking with delight when she saw me in the hotel hallway. Cousins. Juicy grilled bratwurst. Fat Nate’s smile, touching Jelly’s curls. Jelly walking her stroller around the CVG airport. Coming home.

The Ta catches a picture of just how happy I am to be home

*The 'Philly Spot' is that section on a fat girl between her underarm and waist, often mistaken for some sort of relocated third breast. I once had someone try to massage it in what he wrongly thought was a seductive manner, but of course it was simply creepy. I thought he was from Philadelphia, but it turns out he was not, which makes this story, like so many others, totally nonsensical. However, 'Philly Spot' had already stuck. You know what I'm talking about. Also, I just had to mention that I'm eating a 'Cotton Candy' flavored pudding cup and it's FREAKING DELICIOUS. Kroger is awesome. I am so white trash. Please don't tell my baby I'm eating this.

Happy Memorial Day! To All a Good Night!

Are you even suppose to say that? I mean, isn't Memorial Day about honoring dead soldiers or something? I don't feel right, it's like saying, 'Happy Anniversary of Your Kitten's Passing!' (note: if someone's kitty just went to kitty heaven, I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to be insensitive, I actually really like kitties, I'm just very very allergic so I think I may be a little bitter because I can't have one, plus Jelly apparently is a dog person so I'm doomed because everyone knows I'm not going to get what I want with her around). Anyhow, I hope all y'all have a nice long weekend, especially those of you with a baby or trying to get a baby, because moms and wanna-be-mums need extra love. And either alcohol or chocolate. Or some of each, or both mixed together like a Chocolatini.

I am going to go barf because I'm so keyed up about leaving for Cincinnati on Friday.

Should I go see 'Star Trek' tonight like the dork I am? I really want to, but part of me is like, 'ugh, so much showering and doing your hair, and you really should re-pack for the 800th time, and don't you think you should be the one putting Jelly to bed since she's going to have such a schedule interruption already this weekend?'. So, I think I know the answer. It just doesn't seem right not to take advantage of my parents being here more. But, so tired! As always, sleep wins over everything.

I guess that's my wish for everyone on this fine May day - I hope you get the sleep you need and deserve this long weekend. Lame? Yes. Heartfelt? Oh, hellz yeah.

Self-Linkage

Brief party post at Triangle Mommies blog - http://trianglemommies.blogspot.com/2009/05/first-birthday-success.html

First Birthday a Wild Success, All Rejoice

The party was fun. I'm too tired to think of anything more descriptive than that. It was also a heckuva lot of planning and work for only 2 hours, but it was worth it. Jellybean thus far is enjoying having her grandparents and uncle here, since it's more people to point and babble to.

The Learning Tower that my dad built turned out great, as seen in the pic below. The Little Princess likes to push it more than stand in it, though, I think. I picked up some pots and pans and other kid-sized cooking stuff for her, so we'll be ready to make gourmet meals side by side, sans screaming or back pain, in no time.

She got a lot of great stuff, books and toys, things that light up and things to cuddle. Aunt J got her an awesome doggy, Aunt M got her the fabulous remote control car that was a big hit with both Jelly and Cade, as well as Grandpa. My mum brought a creepy dolly that was mine when I was a baby, which made me tear up. Aunt Chrissy gave me money so that I can go buy some good walking shoes for The Bean. She got a pink china tea set (every girl needs one), some Yo Gabba stuff, a soccer ball and hammer (every girl should have one of those as well), and some clothes. She had lots of fun, and was VERY disappointed when everyone left.

Now it's back to the grind for a few days as my mum hangs out with Jelly and my dad works on destroying my house (he's ripping out the totally cheesy and useless electric fireplace, to give me some more shelves and drawers for the 874 toys and books).

P-22 Hours

The punch is guaranteed to be nice and cold, and taste vaguely of stinky baby toes

OMG! It's almost party time, excellent!

Jelly got into the spirt of things by playing 'Teacup Ride' in the punch jug. I whipped her around the kitchen floor by the jug handle. She thoroughly enjoyed it. She probably likes the punch jug more than any toy she'll get. I should just put a bow on it for tomorrow, and return everything else and use the money to buy myself some new Old Navy t-shirts that haven't had the necklines tugged on so much that my navel occasionally pops out.

I have had too little sleep and too much work to get overly worked up about the 'rents impending arrival. Luckily, Nanny is awesome and has spent the better part of the morning scrubbing floors, despite surly non-napping teething babies. I am on yet another conference call, and have prepared a nice Top 5 list for you lovely people. Because I'm just thoughtful like that. Think of it as a very, very crappy party favor. You're welcome!

5 Things That Have Most Definitely Not Been Awesome the Past 24 Hours

1. First Year Molars. Last night Jellybean was awake between midnight and 1:30, and from 5-5:30 with hacking fits. She would not drink water, she would not be soothed. First Year Molars – boo. Boo, I say! Neither baby would take a morning nap, and Cade has spent what feels like four hours sobbing inconsolably. Poor, poor Nanny. Thank god I was able to give her all next week off.

2. Back-to-back conference calls today. 10-12, 1-2, 2-3, 3-4. My parents are due to arrive sometime before dinner, hopefully not in the middle of a stupid call, because my dad will for sure traumatize Nanny if I can’t leap down the stairs to remind him that she’s a nice girl and he shouldn’t do anything he would normally do, at all, in front of her.

3. Diarrhea. You love reading my blog, don’t you? The Ta and I continued our research into Local Restaurants Where Cooks Don’t Wash Their Hands yesterday. It’s not a very smart project, I know. We did find another hidden gem, though, and were both up last night blasting the porcelain as a result. It’s always a toss-up whether to let your screaming baby cry or poo your pants. I already have too much laundry to do.

4. News that my court date has to be rescheduled. Since The Bean now has to be served as well, and it’s been longer than 60 days since Quiet was served, we have to start the process anew. Lucky Quiet! He gets to be re-served, Jelly will get served, we will wait the 30 days again, and get another court date. Luckily, I am not too worried that Quiet is going to appear on my doorstep and demand immediate custody, mostly because he doesn’t really like to be bitten, at least not by a girl, and partially because he doesn’t speak Yo Gabba. So I’m luckier than a lot of women and should calm down.

5. Weather reports. Rain, rain, stay away, don’t you know it’s Jelly’s birthday? The Ta and Aunt Chrissy will be happy, since they’re indoor cats who love the sweet breath of the angels and weren’t looking forward to a patio party. I will be the one soaked to the skin, sitting outside with the damn bubble machine.

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend, and you will all be with us in spirit. But thankfully you won’t really be here, because mama needs to have some leftover birthday cake.

We're Going to Party Like We're Turning Nine

See, I'm not drinking alone, so it's ok*

Another quick post, since I am still in preparing-for-birthday madness and why-do-I-have-to-also-still-do-this-crappy-job-oh-yeah-to-pay-for-birthday-parties mode. In 'Why, Yes, I'm a Crazy Person, Thanks for Asking!' news, I have spent the better part of the last few days and evenings hand-making construction paper 'Yo Gabba Gabba' figures as decorations for the parties. These aren't little tiny things, either. The tallest, Muno (my personal favorite, which you might have guessed), is about 3 feet. I'm going to find some place to take them and get them laminated tomorrow, so that Jellybean can enjoy my labors of love long after the party without totally destroying them.

Speaking of my ridiculous obsession with making Yo Gabba stuff for her party, my Muno pic was posted over at Gabba Friends! I feel like a celebrity. I promised more pictures after her party, of the cake and gift bags and the decorations.

Speaking of my baby turning one, my sister N and I were having a conversation about when to officially stop referring to your baby as a 'baby', and start referring to her as a 'toddler'. N said she thought it was when they started walking. I thought that cruising was almost walking, so it was kind of a grey area. After this weekend though, I have a definitive answer. Your baby stops being a baby when they treat something ELSE like their baby. For example, up until now Jellybean has been rather ambivalent about dolls. After receiving a Foofa from The Ta, she has carried that thing everywhere. She cuddles it, and gives it pats, and constantly hands it to me and Nanny for us to give it kisses. My baby now has her own baby to love and snuggle. I think that makes her a toddler. It's very sweet to watch, and it's a very important step in emotional growth, blah blah blah. It makes me both proud and sad, a feeling I'm starting to experience more and more as I watch her change in front of my eyes.

And, also, she's cutting her first-year molars so PLEASE KILL ME NOW OH DEAR SWEET BEJEEBUS. Increased drooling, erratic appetite, diarrhea, on-and-off low-grade fevers, a fun new high-pitched screech when she's mad or tired, crying herself to sleep, separation anxiety and hold-me hold-me HOLD ME NOW, DAMNIT, I DON'T CARE THAT YOU HAVE A MILLION THINGS TO DO. Dr. N said it sounded like teething and it was confirmed this morning when Nanny peeked into her shrieking mouth. Nice red, swollen gums, yep.

But still, so fracking cute!

*The reason there are so many bottles is because I don't get to drink anymore. If I didn't have a baby, there would probably be nothing in that pantry corner except for cobwebs and a half-empty bottle of something lame like peach schnapps. And yeah, that's one side of my pantry floor, are you totally jealous?! It's ENORMOUS! The red crate on her left is PARTY STUFF!!!!