P-22 Hours

The punch is guaranteed to be nice and cold, and taste vaguely of stinky baby toes

OMG! It's almost party time, excellent!

Jelly got into the spirt of things by playing 'Teacup Ride' in the punch jug. I whipped her around the kitchen floor by the jug handle. She thoroughly enjoyed it. She probably likes the punch jug more than any toy she'll get. I should just put a bow on it for tomorrow, and return everything else and use the money to buy myself some new Old Navy t-shirts that haven't had the necklines tugged on so much that my navel occasionally pops out.

I have had too little sleep and too much work to get overly worked up about the 'rents impending arrival. Luckily, Nanny is awesome and has spent the better part of the morning scrubbing floors, despite surly non-napping teething babies. I am on yet another conference call, and have prepared a nice Top 5 list for you lovely people. Because I'm just thoughtful like that. Think of it as a very, very crappy party favor. You're welcome!

5 Things That Have Most Definitely Not Been Awesome the Past 24 Hours

1. First Year Molars. Last night Jellybean was awake between midnight and 1:30, and from 5-5:30 with hacking fits. She would not drink water, she would not be soothed. First Year Molars – boo. Boo, I say! Neither baby would take a morning nap, and Cade has spent what feels like four hours sobbing inconsolably. Poor, poor Nanny. Thank god I was able to give her all next week off.

2. Back-to-back conference calls today. 10-12, 1-2, 2-3, 3-4. My parents are due to arrive sometime before dinner, hopefully not in the middle of a stupid call, because my dad will for sure traumatize Nanny if I can’t leap down the stairs to remind him that she’s a nice girl and he shouldn’t do anything he would normally do, at all, in front of her.

3. Diarrhea. You love reading my blog, don’t you? The Ta and I continued our research into Local Restaurants Where Cooks Don’t Wash Their Hands yesterday. It’s not a very smart project, I know. We did find another hidden gem, though, and were both up last night blasting the porcelain as a result. It’s always a toss-up whether to let your screaming baby cry or poo your pants. I already have too much laundry to do.

4. News that my court date has to be rescheduled. Since The Bean now has to be served as well, and it’s been longer than 60 days since Quiet was served, we have to start the process anew. Lucky Quiet! He gets to be re-served, Jelly will get served, we will wait the 30 days again, and get another court date. Luckily, I am not too worried that Quiet is going to appear on my doorstep and demand immediate custody, mostly because he doesn’t really like to be bitten, at least not by a girl, and partially because he doesn’t speak Yo Gabba. So I’m luckier than a lot of women and should calm down.

5. Weather reports. Rain, rain, stay away, don’t you know it’s Jelly’s birthday? The Ta and Aunt Chrissy will be happy, since they’re indoor cats who love the sweet breath of the angels and weren’t looking forward to a patio party. I will be the one soaked to the skin, sitting outside with the damn bubble machine.

I hope everyone has a lovely weekend, and you will all be with us in spirit. But thankfully you won’t really be here, because mama needs to have some leftover birthday cake.