All I Want for Christmas is a Non-Hysterical Child

Jenny rocks the vote - in line for early voting on Saturday

Imagine my supreme embarrassment when, while watching my favorite Halloween movie, ‘Practical Magic’ (ok, so maybe it’s one of my favorite movies all the time – I already told you not to judge me), I had a shocking and terrible revelation.

I named Jenny after Nicole Kidman’s character.

No, really, it’s awful – here I was, watching the movie with one eye and watching my sleeping baby and this week’s issue of Entertainment Weekly with the other, when all of a sudden Sandra Bullock’s character says, ‘Jillybean’. Now, I looked it up, and the character’s name is technically spelled with a ‘g’, ‘Gillian’. So that’s a little better. But still – the reason I love that name and nickname. Right there, in all its horrifying cheesy glory. I couldn’t believe it. I guess it’s better than naming her Nomi (I felt nasty just having to look up the spelling of THAT one – need to Lysol my monitor later). And I do enjoy NK’s character – she’s full of passion and loves love and has really super hair, blah blah blah. So it could be worse. But, uh, yeah. That’s apparently where I got Jelly’s middle name and nickname from. I WARNED YOU I WAS LAME!!! (or I perhaps should have, if I didn’t).

On Sunday, imagine my surprise and delight when, shopping in my new Favorite Wal-Mart Ever (FWE), I heard a familiar and catchy tune on the Muzak speakers.

It was ‘Silent Night’.

omgomgomgomgomgomg omgomgomgomgomgomg
omgomgomgomgomgomg omgomgomgomgomgomg

That means it’s almost CHRISTMAS!! Ok, it means the stores are way out of control because Christmas is like a million trabillion eons away still. But there’s Egg Nog in the coolers and trees in the aisles and it’s beginning to look a lot like my favorite holiday season! And Jenny’s FIRST CHRISTMAS. I am going to explode. There aren’t enough cameras in the world to capture the pictures I want to take. Must remember to slow down and actually enjoy the moments instead of just maniacally snapping away.

To further fuel my fire, my favorite consignment store threw a yule log my way with a Holiday Party last night, to thank their customers and introduce some of the mommies who do custom stuff (like monogramming and hair do-dads etc.). Jenny taught me a very, very important lesson that I will never, ever forget – do NOT, under any circumstances, no matter the situation, I repeat, DO NOT wake her up from a nap.

I think part of the problem is that she is still getting use to her new car seat, and can’t sleep in it yet. So I woke her up to go to the event and she was pissed, and couldn’t get back to sleep. Then we got to the event, and she was even more pissed. I spent 20 minutes walking around carrying an 80-lb diaper bag and an even heavier fussy angry baby throwing punches, and turned around and went home again. So much for a fun night with hors d’oeuvres and door prizes and nice mommies. Did I mention Jenny was pissed? Being put back into the car seat was the equivalent of throwing lit matches at her. She screamed, and coughed, and choked, and screamed some more, and worked herself into such a fit during the 12-minute ride home that she could not be calmed down. I tried music, and walking, and rocking, and soothing ‘shush shush’ noises, and a bottle, and saying ‘I’m sorry, I’ll never do it again’ over and over. Nothing worked. She screamed so much she threw up. All over us both. I bet you can guess whether that made her happy, or more upset. Eventually I remembered my sister’s piece of advice about a bath for a hysterical child, and tried that. She calmed down, but man, did she glower at me the whole time. I tried all my usual tricks to get her to laugh, or even smile, but she was a cold, angry customer. I got her into jammies and got her to sleep for a bit, and she eventually took another bottle and gave me a few gratuitous grins to let me know she’d consider forgiving me. That temper, boy, am I ever in trouble. I guess it's my fault for naming her after a redhead.