Hopping Down the Bunny Trail

That's my sick little bunny rabbit. Pretty cute, huh? I know you're all probably tired of listening to me talk about The House That Allergies Ravaged, but poor bunny was up off and on last night with a raging fever. I felt so bad for her. I purposefully stayed inside most of the weekend, venturing out only to get groceries to make the big Easter Dinner. Jellybean still got smacked down.

Cooking dinner was ridiculously tough. I stepped into the kitchen at about 8 am yesterday morning and wasn't finished until after 6 pm. Here's the problem; when you're a single mum, especially if you have a baby who doesn't feel well (only you don't know how sick she is or you would have totally cancelled the whole thing), you are constantly starting/stopping the whole venture. 8 am was breakfast, and then I started peeling potatoes. Stopped to change a diaper. Stopped to get some juice and toys for sad baby. Got scalloped potatoes into fridge, pouring only 1/2 of contents into fridge crisper bins. Sat and rocked baby so she'd get a good nap. Moved onto sweet potatoes. Made cake after disagreement with oven. Changed more diapers. Made lunch for baby but forgot to make lunch for me. Got ham into oven. Changed diapers. Held congested baby upright for next nap. Made hugely annoying cooked frosting for cake. Spread frosting mostly on floor while trying to beat in double boiler and hold sad baby. Ate piece of cold delicious ham. Fed baby. Ate. Started to clean up. Sat with sick baby and watched some TV (Mary Poppins! She thought the penguins were hilarious) while chugging Motrin and a Pepsi. Cleaned more.

It was a very tasty meal (hurrah for ham!), and The Bean was ALL about the big midday meal. She was totally like, 'This is BRILLIANT! Why don't we do this EVERY day?!' The glazed sweet potatoes were of course a big hit, and interestingly she hated the asparagus (there isn't a lot she spits out while glaring at me). Fine by me, I freaking love asparagus. You might think I'm insane for making all this food for the two of us, but Nanny's sister is visiting for a while and coming here each day, so I figured lots of leftovers wouldn't hurt. Also, I was super-smart and made up two 'plates' for myself and stuck 'em in the freezer for nights when I give Jellybean baby-TV-dinners.

Her fever last night scared me. She was really, really hot, and the Tylenol didn't help right away. I know the answer is never, 'Bring the baby to bed with you', but she kept waking up anyhow and just wanted to be held by mama. It's the 'avoiding the if-onlys' that gets me. In situations like last night, I think, 'What if she's really, REALLY sick, not just allergies, and I put her back to bed, and she gets worse or something horrible happens, all because I selfishly wanted sleep? And then all I'll be able to think is, 'if only I'd done blank-blank-blank''. So hot little baby crawled into the small of my back from midnight-ish to about 2:30, at which point I gave up and threw her back into her room. The Nanny's son went through the same thing a few days last week, and Jellybean is still eating and in good spirits, so I know she's ok. It's just so much responsibility and critical decision-making for one tired inept person. More and more these past few weeks I've wondered how I could've been so ill-prepared for all this, and how people do it so much better.

When she was a newborn, people said it would get easier. It's such a lie. Each new phase brings new challenges and stresses and things that exhaust. I wish I could give Nanny a bonus just because I can't believe she can let two kids self-feed, two meals, and clean up them, the table, the high chairs, and the floor, EVERY SINGLE DAY. I go out of my mind just on the weekends, with one. I fed Jelly lunch on the floor yesterday, because I figured that would at least save me from having to clean the table and high chair for one meal. And this soon-to-be-walking thing - so much making-sure-gates-are-closed and things are out of reach. Naps are shorter. I have to start picking my battles as she exerts her independence more. She's SO DAMN HEAVY TO CARRY. And yet, she really is hilarious. She totally has a sense of humor. And she does not like to be left out of anything. She's doing this new 'tripod' crawl, where she gets up on her tippy-toes and hands. She's come up with her own sign for 'more'. She sometimes sings to herself in the car. I still can't believe she's here, and a part of my life, and I'm still excited to see her every single morning.

Finally, a video of a cute Bean and her mother bugging her.