Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Tata Blog!

As many of you know, Tata’s niece CC has been visiting for the past few weeks, and is generally pretty awesome. I’ve had a lot of fun hanging out with her, although not as much as Jellybean; I think Jelly believes that CC is her newly adopted big sister, and totally adores her. We’ll all be sad when she leaves to go back home in two days, although Tata has felt the stress of raising a tween and will (initially) feel some relief.

CC and I thought it would be funny if she documented the goings-on of The Ta while she was here, and she decided it would not be fair to the world to keep the results to ourselves. To be totally fair, though, I also have to include a short list that The Ta was keeping on CC (although it’s much funnier to be mean to Tata, so her list is way longer). CC apparently once fell asleep in the Pack 'n Play. And doesn't like to help clean up dog poo. The End.

Please keep in mind that I have only made minor spelling corrections to the nicely hand-printed list CC passed along. And, uh, that it was written by a tween living with The Ta, so there’s lots of talk about poo. Young girls, I’m telling you, they are harsh critics. I can’t wait until Jellybean sees me like this.

Without further ado, I give you…

UThe Tata Blog

A guest post by CC Y

Critics rave, "Hottest blog spot ever!"

• She looked like she was drunk and she kept on slipping on the carpet [editor’s note: sweetie, she probably WAS drunk]
• She picked up a pillow and smelled it
• She makes ‘granny grunts’ when bending over [editor’s note: in my family we call them ‘fatty grunts’]
• She talks during my shows and just comes into the room to fart
• She believed there was peanut oil that contained no peanuts
• She looks at her dogs’ butt holes
• (on Craigslist ) Ray: I’d like to buy your Pearl; Tata: Would you like to buy my Pearl?
• She wears striped underwear 6 times/week
• At Applebee’s Tata’s pants were see-thru so everyone could see the striped underwear
• When listening/not listening to ‘Halo’ Tata acts out the song
• Tata’s nicknames are ‘Al’ and ‘Titty Tata’
• She gets mad/dying of laugher when I go onto youhoogle.com and type ‘Titty Tata’ as her homepage
• Tata likes to announce to me that she has a turtle head everyday
• Tata tells the dogs to drop the deuces outside
• She likes to pose for the camera with her flashy middle fingers
• She picks through the poo to see what the dogs ate
• The old-lady Tata, likes to watch East Enders
• She gets embarrassed when I fart on her conference calls (again) oops! Heehee!
• Tata tells me that she’s going to fart and then she cries because it went up the front
• After Tata reads a ghost book it’s FUN to scare her!
• Tata gets mad when there is secrets between me and Jellybean Mama
• Tata loves to nap when supposed to be working!
• Tata goes outside with plastic bags and picks up poo
• She doesn’t flush the toilet
• She likes to tell me what happens in the ghost books before I read them
• She is dumb when answering zoom questions. CC: What more does ‘Zoom’ show?; Tata: Closer stuff (obvious!)
• Tata doesn’t steady the camera well
• LOVES to swear with her coworker
• Likes to slip on ice
• Likes to pick her toes
• She also likes to suck on her pinky
• Tata gets jealous when the dogs are with me
• She eats like the baby Jenny [editor’s note: not true, she is MUCH messier than Jenny]
• Tata likes the gossip and all the drama at work (starts it sometimes)
• Tata is ALWAYS dropping the f-bomb!
• Tata likes to goof off at work
• She walks around in her underwear, and her sporty sports bra! Not pretty
• Tata looks like a monster before coffee time
• She wears monkey pajamas
• Tata wears a shirt with A LOT of boob-age (a lot!) boobs falling out (a lot!) Boobalicious!
• She sometimes sports that see-thru top look! You know! Hee hee!
• Tata crops herself out of pictures when she thinks she has rolls
• Tata believes she has fur kids
• When trying to back into the driveway, she was in the wrong gear
• Tata uses Strap Perfect to get one cup size bigger!
• Tata yells at the Smooth Away commercials because it doesn’t work
• Tata likes me to praise her for pooping because we praise the dogs for pooing
• Tata makes bad stops at stop signs
• Tata loves pics taken with her on the toilet, except when they are for Jellybean Mama

Still reading? Sucker. You really are trying to avoid doing anything else.
God help you if you have a young girl.

1 comment:

Fat Chick said...

Doesn't everyone cheer when they poo? Or, at least when they poo a big one?

I do.