Friday, May 8, 2009

Day Court: Five Things

For those of you breathlessly awaiting news of this morning's traumatic sojourn to the Wake County Courthouse, here are five quick points which nicely summarize the experience:

1. I didn't need to be there. I didn't get called on at all. Which was good, because then I didn't have to stand up, and have all the sweat that had pooled in my lined suit dump into my work heels. June 5th will be the magic day when I have to be called up.
2. Jellybean has to get served. SERIOUSLY?! This process is even more ridiculous than I previously thought. It's ok, though, because when she's 16 and thinks it's her first time in juvenile court, I'll let her know she received a summons for her first birthday. I hope the Sheriff delivers it, my neighbors will go crazy.
3. Juvenile Court is no fun. There are no clowns or balloons or cupcakes, just badly dressed Social Services workers and sad tired foster mothers giving updates on the drug-dependent babies they care for. And a mom who told the judge that her 14-year old would rather go to jail than school, and the judge said, 'Well, that can be arranged, tell her probation officer', and the mother said, 'Good, I don't want to miss any more work over this'.
4. At one point, the judge presiding over my case stopped and asked why his courtroom smelled like a Sausage Egg 'N Cheese McGriddle. Ok, no, this didn't really happen, but why am I such a fat girl that I thought THAT was a good idea on a nervous stomach?! Those things have some hang power.
5. The elevators totally blow. And Cousin J. totally rocks for going with me and trying to hold my sweaty hand. And for also snickering when the judge said Loud's name (he was the one who accepted the summons for Quiet). And she kept poking me and telling me to shut up when I could not stop hissing, 'Bow tie!' because there was a totally Southern portly lawyer in da house, and she most likely kept my ass from getting kicked out.

Thank you again to everyone for your words of comfort and support and comedy as I've melted down this past week. It's the weekend! One week from today, my family will be here to celebrate JJ's B-Day!

And remember kids, just say 'no' to larceny, because apparently it can get you 30 months in the slammer. People's Court was almost as awful as Juvy. It was NOTHING like the show. There was way more bad hair and body odor.


Fat Chick said...

Wow, I admire your courage. Court rooms are SCARY. Leave it to you to make me laugh at it, though...

Chris said...

Happy belated mother's day!